DIVAS INC.

Finally!

2011-09-11T20:35:00.001+08:00

Finally Google made a blogger app! :)

2011-06-22T01:38:00.004+08:00

Been awhile since i've blogged.

Recently bought a new pc, so spent some time migrating stuff into it and doing abit of e-springcleaning.

Came across some stuff that others have written before. Funny how completely different people can say things that are so alike.

In fact, I think we all go through pretty much the same shit/stages in life, don't we? The events may be different, but how we feel/think more or less can be relatable. Well, if all of us are so damn special/unique, counsellors and shrinks would be outta jobs cause they wouldn't have a basis for reference or comparision.

Here are some of my thoughts on some of the typical things that people say when their heads are wrapped in fluffy pink clouds of love, or the damp musky blanket of self-pity.

Of course, as with life, nothing is absolute and there are always exceptions. But what makes you so sure you're the 0.01%?

Loosely quoting the book/movie, "He's Just Not That Into You"- always assume yoú're the majority and the norm.

#1 - You are the love of my life.

Ok to be fair, I think she/he probably IS the love of your life at that point in time, assuming you aren't hung up over another person from the past.

And you know how, especially at the end of a relationship, people will make dramatic declarations like,

I'll never love another person
I'll always love you
I can't live without you

Yada yada...yeah right. If I've learned anything at all, it's to never believe this and let this be the reason for not leaving someone, thinking that the person will love you forever. Cause odds are, he/she will move on. And in today's day and age, it usually happens pretty fast. The worse kinds are those that are already involved with someone post-breakup and still profess such ramblings. Like, seriously, can't you be honest to save your life?

Anyway, if he/she was so in love with you, how could he/she do something to make you wanna leave?

#2 - I can't help falling in love with you

This is a great excuse for people to get away with making stupid mistakes, like getting involved with someone that's taken.

Helloooo....sure you can help it.

Come on, that's the key difference between humans and animals. We are supposed to be the more evolved species that can make rational decisions, and not just go by pure instincts.

Don't get me wrong. I totally believe and support that you can love/lust whomever you want to (Been there done that!). But if it means that someone is gonna get hurt by you being with this person, you have the CHOICE to walk away, love in silence, or fuckwhoeverstandsinmyway-I'm-just-gonna-get-some-lovin'.

If yours is the third option, just remember that karma always comes back 3-fold (at least).

#3 - If I get another chance I'll never let you go (or screw it up again)

You had your chance. Why'd you go and screw it up in the first place?

Must be because you think we're not important enough, or that you can get away with it, or that you had a better option elsewhere.

So, screw you.

What do you think this is - "Who wants to be a millionaire"?

No lifelines. The time is now, cherish the moment.

#4 - It was a stupid mistake

So suck it up and learn from it.

It's like trying to appeal to your lecturer against a fail grade. Being persistant just makes you sound desperate.

If you're really really really sorry, then don't just say it. PROVE IT.

Do something worthy of Singapore's Got Talent, or is Twitter/Youtube-worthy, or at the very least can bowl even my most cynical best friend over.

Saying you are sorry, just doesn't sound sorry at all.

#5 - Their relationship is on the rocks

This is the number one reason people give when they are getting involved with someone else.

Yes, people have their problems, Yes, the relationship is probably going to end. Yes, the poor guy/girl probably needs you very much right now.

But what do YOU need? Certainly not more drama in your life right?

Do you need to have some crazy psycho bitch/jerk plastering your Facebook wall with insults, confront you at the workplace/home or worse still, threaten your life? Don't think that's not possible, cause you should always be prepared for the worse-case scenario.

Do you need to have to deal with all the baggage from his/her past relationship while trying to build the foundations of your new one?

Do you need to be with someone who has no qualms about keeping you a secret from his other partner?

Do you need to start a relationship wondering if he's ever going to do the same behind YOUR back?

Do you need to think about how you are sharing your partner with someone else? I mean, if you don't approve of people that double-dip sauces, how can you live with sharing body parts (can someone say eww)?

Do you really need to have it weighing on your conscience that you broke up a relationship or marriage, maybe even caused some kid to grow up without one parent? Seriously, can you live with that?

Come on, life's tough enough as it is. Why make it tougher on yourself and turn it into a freaking soap opera? No matter how well you play the role of the suffering mistress'/ noble heroine, you ain't getting an Oscar baby. Why not make life easier on yourself?

Besides, if their relationship is really on the rocks, he/she can come back after they've broken it off. By then, you'd hopefully have him/her all to yourself. And if he/she doesn't break it off afterall, then hey, you just saved yourself alot of heartache.

Damn, sure feels good to rant in awhile.

2011-02-18T00:19:00.003+08:00

如果我的在意，变成了你的负担，那我选择让你保留个属于你自己的空间。
一个你可以不受限制，不受干扰，没有后果的空间。

毕竟，每个人在某个阶段都需要远离自己最亲的人。
就算当初那人曾是你的唯一。

2011-01-03T02:11:00.005+08:00

FAREWELL 2010, HULLO 2011!!!

So 2010 went by in a flash, still in the holiday mood (without actually going on holiday), and now it's the start of a brand new year!

I guess 2010 has been good to me in many many ways. Just thought of taking a moment to count my blessings.

2010 Blessings

1. Everyone at home is happy + healthy.

Happy to see Minmin + WR doing well in US, and Minmin growing into her own person as a parent. Really thankful they got a chance to spread their wings in the US.Seeing ZZ grow up day by day is one of our regular obsessions. Now I know why people always say children are god's gift, cos ZZ has just brought so much joy + excitement to our lives. Am glad also that mum's temper has mellowed abit, not so many outbursts at home. Am extra extra happy to be closer to Dajie now, and that she also on good terms with J. It's always nice when everybody gets along :)

2. Finally finished repaying my Tuition Fee Loan!
Really no joke repaying a $15k loan as a struggling newbie in the job market. But I'm proud that I've put myself through Uni, and that I paid off the loans by my own efforts.

3. New Boss!
Re-org at work was a rather painful process, but I'm glad that my new boss seems to be an intelligent + capable man. Looking forward to learning more from him!

4. Grumpy + Sunshine :)
Things with J has been wonderful still, and I'm thankful for everyday of love, joy + laughter. Experience taught me not to take things for granted, but faith reminds me to trust the now + tomorrows. Looking forward to many many more beautiful chapters.

5. All my friends
May have lost touch with some old friends this year, but I guess life is such that when our paths no longer converge, it's only natural to follow the currents + drift away. For the extra special people in my life, Zoeline, Joan, Shuxin, I'd always go out on a limb to stay in touch. Of course, there are the awesome groupies, my Spices, my work friends (fiends) + LJR, all of whom fill my days up with lotsa smiles + laughter.

6. Leen's Wedding
It was really a special moment to spend with J. It's always nice to be a part of that special moment of your someone special, and indeed was a priviledge to be asked to be a jie-mei. Thankful also that this helped me get to know Looney + Rascal better, cause they are just such nice + fun people! Looking forward to more fun-scapades with them :)

7. Awesome friends at work!
My fav peeps who help tide through the humdrum of everyday office life + tribulations. V (boohoo) was indeed a great loss to all of us when she left, and hopefully we'll keep in touch. Chow is just the person to count on for anything, always obliging, always cheeky (haha). Mel is the unexpected one, the one I never thought I could click with, but I'm blessed to have known her better for she's definitely a keeper!

8. Love is in the air!
Really super duper wuper happy for Joan, that she has found a great guy, and someone who has been there all the while! For once, I truly think he deserves her. Hopefully their love story will go on for a long long time, with a beautiful ending for these two beautiful people, both inside + outside. Gotta start preparing those wedding ang pows!!!

9. Work it!
Proud of myself to have taken up gym membership. Gonna make sure I put those hard-earned bucks to good use!

10. Thankful for being me. :)
As Henry Ford said, " Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.".
I want to think that I can, even when it seems like I can't. Nothing sinks a boat faster than a doomsday attidude.

And...drumroll....

My 2011 Resolutions.

1. Be at work by 10 am everyday.
(Ok, except legit time-off days!) My office is actually quite lenient about this, and I kinda abuse it quite abit. Time to zi-dong before I get blasted!

2. Stop saying I'm fat.
Ok, so I've reaaaaaally grown. Yeah, no one is more bothered about that than me. But as J always says, the more I harp on it the more I bring attention to it. Of course, this doesn't mean I'm just gonna let myself go, but I think it's better to put that energy to doing something about it, than just whining about it. So, yeah!

3. Hit the gym at least once a week.
Thank god for Melisa to motivate me. Twice is the target!

4. Get insurance!
Like finally.

5. Save at least $3k by year end.
Not counting short term savings. This is the untouchable! + I'm hoping to put aside 10% of my bonus to this. *fingers crossed*

So yeah, those are my goals for the year. All very S.M.A.R.T!
Jiayou jiayou!!!

Kayaking in stormy seas

2010-12-11T02:40:00.001+08:00

So many storms lately,
Threatening to overturn my small kayak.
When will there be lasting calm waters,
And not just another eye of the storm.
Looking forward to the simple life, once again.

2010-11-08T03:15:00.003+08:00

I'm so awesome I can fly-kiss out a magical glowing bird!
Woots~

2010-11-08T01:52:00.003+08:00

I GOT PUBLISHED!!!

Haha ok, so it was just a letter, not a column, but still! Not bad right! *beams*

The story is, the zoo ran this uber fantastic Halloween Horrors event during October, and some people wrote in to the press to say that it was (1) too scary for the kids, and (2) not helping to promote awareness + education of wildlife.

Roll eyes.

This is so typical of Singaporeans. To cry bloody murder just because they don't like something. Everything has to be so squeaky clean, so...sanitised.

Give us a break, please. It's your own life decision to have kids, not ours. Please don't impose your preferences/needs on the whole world and make everything under the sun (+ moon!) family friendly.

Anyway, the event was held after dark. Aren't your kids supposed to be in bed anyways?

Fact is, consumers have a choice. Parents who think, and rightly so, that the event would not be suitable for their kids should just not go for it.

And if you wanna go for an "excursion", you should have done your homework in the first place to see if there's anything special going on that week. I always do that before going to the zoo, science centre, etc.

It just shows your lack of good judgement if you decide to go anyway, then write to the press to complain about it.

Personally, I think the Halloween Horrors event is a fantastic week for young people to cut loose, scream our heads off, and get to know abit more about wildlife in a fun + exciting way.

Looking forward to it next year!!!

PS: I cc-ed the zoo corp comms in my letter, and they wrote a very nice thank you reply...such nice peeps :)

BlogBooster!

2010-10-04T12:10:00.001+08:00

Yay to BlogBooster! Finally can blog (rant) on the go!

2010-08-01T22:55:00.017+08:00

Our First Hong Kong Trip

(8 - 12 July 2010)

Finally had time to edit the photos and post them up!

All the photos are on my Facebook, so here's a sneak peek!

This entry will detail all the places we went, so hopefully will be a useful guide too for any of you who are heading to HK too!

The HK Summer Sale is between June - Auguest, we booked our trip in July. June would be quite peak period for both SG and HK due to holidays, and we were warned of typhoons in August.

Jetstar: about SGD$350 each

(would have been around SGD$300 but we made a change to our booking)

Park Hotel (through Asiarooms): about $650

In total, we each paid about $650+ for 5D4N which I think is quite a steal.

Day 1: Thursday, 8 July

Our flight was 6.40 am, so we reached the airport at about 4am. Good thing too, as the airline didn't capture my seat preference as we had amended the booking.

We were quite hungry so popped over to Ya Kun for some breakfast, but think they'd just opened shop, so the butter in the toast was still frozen. Yucky.

Finally boarded our flight, and donned our seasick bands. They worked like a charm although we both had "holes" in our wrists at the end of the flight! LOL.

Once we arrived, we queued up for the Airport Express (AE) tickets and Octopus Card (for their MTR).

Airport Express: HKD$140 for two single trip tickets

Octopus Card: HKD$150 each for unlimited rides (HKD$50 deposit)

We also popped by the 美心(Maxim) bakery for J's favourite almond lemon cookies.

Again, these are available everywhere and cost HKD$14 for a pack of 6.

Buy 3 get 1 free.

We wanted to wait till the last day to buy these back for our friends and family, cos wanted them to stay fresh. Unfortunately we were sent to another terminal for boarding and so missed it.

Anyway, the AE train took us from airport to Kowloon in under half an hour. No jam!

So excited!

Dropped off at Kowloon, and stumbled upon a FREE shuttle bus to our hotel!

I actually saw the sign saying AE shuttle bus, so went to the staff and asked them how much. Was so surprised when they said it was free!

Don't think they go to all the hotels, but luckily ours was on the list!

The shuttle bus has got racks to put our luggages, so we didn't have to hold on to them during the ride. If not for this, we'd be going through hell trying to steer our luggages through the MTRs to our hotel.

These shuttle buses are available at all AE stations, for free.

Got to our lovely Park Hotel, and I was just absolutely delighted with the room!

It looked clean, smelled nice, and there was even a nice painting to set the holiday mood for us!

Glad we didn't end up in a scruffy motel instead!

TV with cable (+ football channel so we got to watch World Cup Final) and well stocked tea.

Bathroom was a little cramped but well stocked toiletries..

With bathtub!!!

We ended up taking loooooong foot soaks in this every night after hours and hours of sight-seeing and shopping!

Atas bedroom slippers!

We had a bit of rest, then went to eat 大家乐, or Cafe De Coral.

I absolutely love this place

You can find this almost anywhere, cos they are kinda like the local fast food chain.

Can get a decent meal for about HKD$30-40. Portions are usually generous so we usually share a meal.

They rotate their menu every few hours or so, and it seems every day they serve different food!
So you can be sure of the quality and yet get to eat new things too!

And it's ridiculously hard to find clean toilets in HK, unless you always shop at the swanky malls, so this is really a lifesaver.

I really wonder how HK people can tahan the limited access to toilets. The normal shopping malls (Far Easty types) actually lock up their toilets for tenant use only. If you don't mind being abit tak glam, you could just stake out these toilets and wait for someone to go in and rush in behind them.

I just don't get it though, why torture your shoppers like that? We often had to resort to leaving the place, to find a cafe/restaurant, just so we could use their toilets. But this means that I'd have to disrupt my shopping and more likely than not, I'm not gonna continue where I left off. Pretty silly isn't it, to drive shoppers away like that?

After lunch, we shopped a little at the few streets located near our hotel.

For great buys for the girls, check out Grandville Street. You can also find the delicious Gong Cha (bubble tea chain) here. Yums! Honey Green Tea has never tasted the same again.

We headed down to Avenue of Stars after shopping, to check out the view of the Bund and the co-ordinated light displays by the buildings there. Waited for quite some time but the show wasn't exactly worth it.

Luckily we had each other and the cool sea breeze, so it was quite a nice and romantic evening

We also went to Temple Street but there wasn't anything much there.

For those on a tight schedule you may want to give that a miss.

Day 2: Friday, 9 July

We started off the day by going to the famous Macau Restaurant for their famed Pork Chop buns. It may not look fantastic, but it truly is! Their portugese egg tarts weren't too bad either.

Macau Restaurant

Lock Road (Tsim Sha Tsui MTR)

Spent: HKD$34 for two

Then, we headed down to Ocean Park. We were approached by some guy offering us tickets at a cheaper price, but we had to follow him to his bus. We felt it was abit dodgy, so decided to buy from the Ocean Park booth instead.

Ocean Park: HKD$250 each

Shuttle Bus: HKD$11 each

The bus dropped us at the part where all the park rides were, so we had to walk really far before we got to where most of the exhibits were. The exhibits weren't too fantastic either. I kinda prefer our Underwater World.

We bought some ribs combo, but that just tasted more like hard char siew and was really wierd.

Cost us HKD$$55 too. Would recommend you to stash some food and drinks in your bags, but don't let the staff catch you on the way in!

All in all, it wasn't too bad, but nothing fantastic either.

From Ocean Park, we wanted to check out Repulse Bay but got lost in Central.

Ended up eating 大家乐again, before heading back to TST.

We passed by this "Famous" Fish Ball Noodle Shop at Humphrey's Avenue, and had Beef noodle which cost u HKD$23 and was so-so only. We also tried the fish-ball pushcart in front of our hotel at HKD$12 for two sticks, but they were oily and tasteless. Eeks!

Day 3: Saturday, 10 July

We wanted to check out the famous dim sum restaurant at Mongkok, called Tim Ho Wan (8 Kwong Wa Street, Mongkok, Kowloon). However, after walking quite far on growling tummies, we found the place packed with a long queue. :(

We went for porridge at a random cafe instead, called 松园粥店. The lean park porridge and lemon tea were decent, and only cost us HKD$30 (we shared).

For men's fashion, head to Chic Castle Shopping Mall. Many of the shops were selling tees for 3 for HKD$100. J went crazy here!

Chic Castle Shopping Mall

(Opp Hollywood Plaza)

Sai Yeung Choi Street South, Mongkok MTR

Otherwise the DNA Galleria next to our Park Hotel is also quite good for late shopping, well stocked with unique and quirky stuff.

Day 4: Sunday, 11 July

Went to try out the famous Yung Kee Restaurant, for their highy recommended Roast Goose.

This must have been the biggest dissappointment of the trip

Yung Kee Restaurant

32 Wellington Street

(Central MTR)

We asked our hotel concierge to help make a reservation, and when we arrived we were seated quite promptly.

We ordered quite a spread consisting of roast goose (tough), char siew bao (bad), porridge (so-so), egg tart (so-so), mantou (bad) and har gow (only good thing).

Ended up paying HKD$350 for two of us. Don't trust the travel mags.

Baaaad.

We decided to go check out next on our list, Tai Cheong Bakery for their famous egg tarts.

Tai Cheong Bakery

35 Lyndhurst Terrace

Central MTR

HKD$5 each

Beng apprehensive after the Yung Kee experience, we only bought 1 to try first. I think the auntie was abit shocked we only bought one.

Anyways, the egg tart was still piping hot, and was the best I've ever had. We wolfed it down in 10 seconds, and promptly went back to get two more.

We were contemplating whether or not to buy some back to SG, but were afraid that they would spoil after being kept for so many days. Wish I had some now!

Yummy super-delicious egg tarts to cheer us up

We shopped around the area, mainly H&M. Quite pissed cos they had separate sale tags instead of sticking sale stickers on existing price tags. So some of the sale tags had fallen off the items, and the cashier couldn't tell if the items were on sale or not. J had to help me scour for the same items, with the sale tags. So dumb.

Also went to try out Mak Noodle, for the wanton mee.

Mak Noodle

77 Wellington Street

(Central MTR)
HKD$51 for wanton noodles + veggie

It was decent enough, but super small bowl. Not really worth a repeat visit I feel.

We also tried 许留山 for the Mango Pomelo Ice at HKD$30.

Ok lor, nothing special really.

We were still very hungry, so we tried the 霸王山庄 (King's Lodge) next to our hotel for some supper. It was actually surprisingly good, although rather expensive.

霸王山庄(King's Lodge)

Grandville Street

(Next to Park Hotel)

We ordered Pork Chop Noodle and Xiao Long Bao, and the total bill came up to about HKD$95 for two of us.

Day 5: Monday, 12 July

On our last day, we went back to Macau Restaurant for lunch.

This time, we ordered the Fried Vermicelli (YUMMY!), Baked Rice, and Pork Chop Bun.

Total bill came up to HKD$149 but it was super super nice!

We did some last minute shopping, then it was time to head back to SG..

Such fond memories of our times in HK.

Although there were some misses, there were also many many hits!

Most importantly, we spent a good 5 days just hanging out with each other, and I think we both enjoyed ourselves during the trip.

Can't wait to go back next year!

We ♥ Hong Kong!

2010-07-18T22:31:00.002+08:00

iPhone for a professional photoshoot???

Coooooool :D

2010-07-02T02:15:00.004+08:00

Super happy to have finished J's keepsake box + scrapbook album in time for her bday!

Although it took some work, it was really fun doing up something like this for her, all the while praying that it won't be a disaster. We all know I have 10 butter fingers, haha.

Somehow I just feel presents can never beat a handmade gift, which is made with love in every step. Hehe. Blowing my own horn here. Ok la but seriously the amount of money I spent would probably be enough to buy her 1/3 of the new iPhone. Oops. But but...my present can safekeep memories and be taken out to admire for many many many years to come! iPhone another two years sure will have new model come out so mine is better. Hah.

Can't believe I actually forgot to buy a cake though :(
Guess I was too ganjiong about unveiling the present that it kinda slipped my mind.
Boo.

7 more days to our HK trip, really can't wait!

Happy Birthday baby!!! :*

*Everything tastes better when I'm eating with you*

2010-06-25T02:04:00.004+08:00

Am loving the Channel U show, 《生活达人》Life's Perfectionist.
Catch it every Thursday 9pm, or Friday 1.30 am.

The show features "experts" from all walks of life, every day people who are living out their lives extraodinarily.

Usually, these are people working in what we would consider menial jobs like washer, shopping cart movers, or more interestingly, golf course net maintenance crew.

Today in particular, the show featured a man who works as a mover in Dongdaemun. This man is really incredible. He doesn't use a lorry, or even a trolley. In order to carry out his work more efficiently, he created his own "back-rack", so he can pile more goods onto his back. His innovation and hot bod for an old man, enables him to carry objects up to 4 to 5 times his own weight. That could easily come up to 300kg! They tried pitting a fit young chap against him, but he couldn't even lift the load off the ground!

Not only did he perfect the skill of lifting and moving heavy goods, he even moved out and rented a shabby unit near his workplace, so he can catch forty precious winks in between shifts. The meagre wages he earns from his hard (and I bet dangerous) work, goes to pay for family expenses and the apartment he shares with his wife, daughter, son-in-law and grandson.

The only time he gets to spend with his family is one day a week on his rest day, and he tries to spend it as happily as possible. Despite his hardship, he said that he must leave happily, so that those left behind will be happy too. :(

One man, toiling hard day and night, coming home to a cramped and empty room almost every day, just to bring home the bread and make sure his family has a comfortable place to live in.

What impresses me is that these everyday superheroes don't waste time in self-pity, lamenting their fate or the "lowly" work that they do. Instead, they take pride in what they do and strive towards perfecting their art.

In fact, the government should probably use the show for reference on how our workforce could be more productive. They are without a doubt, living the mantra of Cheaper, Better, Faster everyday!

I wonder if we would have enough of such everyday superheroes to even run a pilot of such a show in our local context.

Even for people who are blessed and hold "decent" jobs like me, we always whine and complain about 101 things, the job, the office, the colleagues, the pantry, the benefits, etc. etc..

The stories are really a wake up call for me, to work towards being the best that I can be, no matter what that is.

On a side note, am loving the new ad by MCYS on fillial piety.

Some people actually wrote in to the press to say that this ad is teaching the wrong values, because we shouldn't encourage / tolerate bad behaviour by our parents.

I think that is totally missing the point. Fillial piety is not just about visiting your parents regularly, or being nice to them when they are nice to you.

From the moment we are born, our parent(s) (most anyway) will make us their priority, and consider us in almost everything that they do. They have to put up with our nonsense, our tantrums, our dependence, and even sacrifice the best to give to us.

Sadly, when we grow up, we get caught up in our own lives, our own family, our own career, our own dreams, that our parent(s) who have toiled their lives for us, are relegated to either an afterthought, or a conscientious effort.

I guess the sad truth is that in most cases, we could never return the unconditional love that they give to us. But that should not stop us from trying our darnest best.

Here's another wonderful video...make me wanna go hug my mum now. :(

2010-06-14T02:23:00.006+08:00

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Two years on...

My heart still feels warm when I see you.

You still bring out the colours my life.

We still try to make things better.

Cheers to many more years ahead :)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

2010-06-09T02:52:00.005+08:00

Will you forgive,
If the one you loved ran away to find themself,
Only to come crawling back,
And tell you they are lost without you?

Imagine the abandoned,
Being asked to be the saviour.
How ironic is that.

So many times, I see this story replayed again and again.
It's simply heartbreaking to watch.
And yet, there's a perverse justice in this.

How can someone be the best thing that's ever happened to you,
If you could so easily throw it all away?

Experience has taught me,
That anyone cruel enough to throw you aside,
Is not worth the second chance.

Cherish me when I am here.
The time, is now.

2010-05-31T00:46:00.016+08:00

Fear is a scary thing.

The fear of unknown reasons, consequences, reactions and implications, can immobilize us, trap ourselves in our own internal dialogue. Unspoken words, unvocalized thoughts, leave those who love us clueless and estranged while we twist and turn ourselves into a little hapless knot.

Trying to second guess each other often goes wildly off the mark and feeds feelings of unease.

Often we find that when we face our fears, and ourselves, things may end up better than we'd thought. Even if they don't, it's just another chapter of our lives to learn from.

I will always choose, to hear you out.

I will always want to know, how you really feel.

I believe there's nothing we can't get through,

If we work at it together.

2010-05-04T02:01:00.005+08:00

Am attending a 5 day course whole of this week, amidst all the chaos and uncertainties at work.

Today the trainer asked us to think back about one happy/proud moment of us in the past, and he had us share our story with the class, one by one.

I shared on how I initially did not manage to get into Uni with my A level results, but re-tried for entry and got in a year later. I also shared on how I put myself through Uni by taking up part time jobs, even up to three jobs at a time, and successfully graduated even though it was not with the bestest of grades. I also proudly announced that I finally finished repaying my study loan of $15K this year.

At the end of my sharing, the class applauded and the trainer said that it must have been very difficult and that they were all very proud of me :>

Then the trainer said that no matter how tough life gets, how many challenges and curveballs we meet along the way, we should always think back of that triumphant moment in our lives and believe that we can pull through, as we are the same person, only smarter, wiser and stronger.

I guess, I agree with him. The circumstances and challenges may have been different, but I believe they were no less daunting for us at that age, at that time.

This story is not the only "success memory" that I remember.

I remember how my primary school wanted every student to donate $10 to a fund to set up a computer lab, and as we were so poor I did not have the heart to ask my mum for the money but saved up all my recess money, $2 a day for a week, to come up with the donation myself.

I remember how despite my form teacher's apparent dislike and belitting of me, I ended up as the top scoring girl in my primary school (top student was a boy la). Many years later, despite my JC Chinese teacher's condemnation and prediction that I would fail Chinese, I managed to pull up my Chinese grades from FAIL to C grade, and even an A2 for AO Chinese.

I remember how I failed TWO econs subjects in uni due to my part time work and also my laziness, which resulted in my GPA dropping from 3.5 (a merit grade) to a 2.6 (FAIL!), but somehow managed to eventually graduate in time by taking on extra modules.

I remember bringing home that first paycheck and knowing that my family will not have to live in lack anymore. :) Not because I earn alot la, but because I was the last one left who was still studying.

I remember how in my previous job, I cried after my first class visit because my students told me straight in the face that they did not have confidence in me, even though they had only met me for the first time. Despite that rough start, over time I managed to convert the students into supportive ones who were sad to see me leave when it was time for me to move on.

I also remember getting that first donation cheque, and feeling that all the effort was all worth it. This memory is what keeps me going now.

The only reason why our challenges seem bigger and always larger than life is only because they are happening in the present. In future, looking back, we will think that that was not the biggest hurdle and that the "present" challenge would always be the greatest ever.

If we apply the same determination, optimism, resourcefulness, and what other efforts or quality that contributed to our past success, we would also be able to pull through whatever we are facing today.

Even if we end up in failure, sometimes the triumph is in gritting our teeth and accepting the consequences bravely and knowing, "This too shall pass."

And before you know it, life has moved on.

What's YOUR success memory?

2010-03-25T02:37:00.005+08:00

So You Think You Can Dance (Season 6 - Episode 15)

Legacy & Kathryn - Pursuit

Paso Doble choreographed by Tony Meredith

Powerful and sexy number! Watch the crazy footwork, slides and twists!

This dance is about "an Admiral who comes into port and sees his lover who he's longing to be with, but they're both angry at each other".

Ooo hot~

2010-03-17T01:13:00.004+08:00

So You Think You Can Dance (Season 6)

Legacy & Kathryn - 2 Steps Away

This dance is about a woman struggling with her fears...beautiful.

2010-03-17T00:44:00.007+08:00

So You Think You Can Dance (Season 4)

Chelsie & Mark - Bleeding Love

One of the most heartwrenching dances I've ever watched.

The dance is about being left behind...watch for when he steals her heart. Wow.

2010-03-16T22:56:00.005+08:00

Leona Lewis - I Got You

A place to crash
I got you
No need to ask
I got you

Just get on the phone
I got you
Come and pick you up
If I have to

What's weird about it
Is we're right at the end
And mad about it
Just figured it out in my head
I'm proud to say
I got you

Go ahead and say goodbye
I'll be alright
Go ahead and make me cry
I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better for worse
I got you
I got you

Ain't falling apart, or bitter
Let's be bigger than that and remember
The cooling outdoor when you're all alone
We'll go on surviving
No drama, no need for a show
Just wanna say
I got you

Go ahead and say goodbye
I'll be alright
Go ahead and make me cry
I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better for worse
I got you

Go ahead and say goodbye (go ahead)
I'll be alright (say goodbye)
Go ahead and make me cry
I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better for worse
I got you

Cause this is love and life
And nothing we can both control
And if it don't feel right
You're not losing me by letting me know

Go ahead and say goodbye (go ahead)
I'll be alright (say goodbye)
Go ahead and make me cry
I'll be alright
And when you need a place to run to
For better for worse
I got you

A place to crash
I got you
No need to ask
I got you

2010-03-12T01:44:00.005+08:00

Jerk.

It was already bad enough that he cheated and lied to his wife, sexually harrassed or had affairs with all those girls. To rub salt into wound, he even made his wife suffer even more by making her, almost forcing her to speak at his press conference. Just look at the unwilling look she gave him when he nudged her to speak. Obviously she was asked to bail him out of this.

It's obvious that she was like a deer caught in the headlight, traumatised by all the camera flashes up in her face.

Why couldn't he have faced the media himself? Why force his wife to stand by him, when he doesn't even deserve her forgiveness?

Poor woman.

I mean, come on, we girls know how hard it is to forgive someone who has cheated on us, let alone stand up and defend them. To me, it's obvious she's only doing this to protect her kids and try to keep her family together.

I'm not sure though whether that may be the best decision for her, nor the kids. Perhaps they would be better able to carry on their lives with more dignity if they did not forgive him. How can the kids continue to face their dad every day, with full knowledge of all the horrible liaisons he'd had splashed in the papers?

Regardless, it's clear she's decided to stand by her man for her own reasons, and hopefully it will prove to be worth it for her. :(

2010-03-09T23:02:00.002+08:00

Came across this very nice quote...

"If looking back hurts you,
And looking forward scares you,
Then look beside you,
Cos I will always be there."

Muacks :)

2010-03-08T01:47:00.001+08:00

I'd be your home, and you're always safe in me :)

2010-02-21T21:14:00.002+08:00

March is gonna be a crazyyyyy month.

Unless we can come up with some serious rostering, most likely gonna burn all weekends in that month :(

Especially the event on 28th is gonna be a major one for me. So really hoping things will turn out well.

Was speeding through this book called "The Secret" in Kino the other day, thought some of the ideas were quite interesting. Apparently, the Secret to life is the law of attraction. The way that we think attracts everything to us, good or bad.

Found this idea quite interesting. If you want something, you must think it. The Universe doesn't understand the negative words like "no", "can't", "don't", so you must think in the positive.

For example, if you think

"I don't wanna lose my job", the Universe reads "I wanna lose my job". Thus, we must think in the positive framework and think "I wanna do well in my job", which is what the Universe will hear and what you think of will be attracted to this thought.

Kinda cool ain't it?

Even if it is a load of BS, I agree that thinking in the negative sense just makes you feel more down. If you are thinking "don't want to", "can't", then we are already doubting ourselves and thus we are less likely to succeed.

Went temple on Saturday, and J came along too for the first time. Drew quite good lots for both of us in our careers, which I think gave both of us an added boost of confidence.

There are times when I feel scared of what may happen, but have been proven couple of times that my fears were greater than the problem.

Let not our worse enemies be ourselves!

Anyway, I'm kinda happy that my words of encouragement have made a little impact for her, even though she often needs some time to digest them on her own . Nothing beats the joy of being able to cheer up your loved ones :)

Let's all work hard and have a roaring success in Tiger year!

2010-02-14T02:57:00.002+08:00

Every Chinese New Year is the same story.

We will get into a mad rush to clean up the house, stock up like it's World War 3, then get ready to "guo nian".

Put up the "hong cai", unveil the tidbits, chill the drinks.

Somewhere along the way my mum will throw a hissy fit. Then we get pissed off. Then we all face sian. Sigh~

Makes me wonder what is the point of going through all the trouble and end up unhappy when we might as well treat it like any other day and get through it happily.

Sometimes really dunno how to deal with my mum. It's like I feel she is really unreasonable at times. I feel that we should not always let her have her way in case she gets worse as she ages. But then, on the other hand I also don't want her to be upset if we "tell her off". Then sometimes try to break it to her nicely she get defensive :(

Anyway think my beloved house is falling apart. Every once in awhile we'll find a new leak or drip or clog or what not.

Today my mum discovered a leak in the overhead pipes in her bathroom. Since the pipes are linked to our upstairs neighbour's drain, and the water leaking out is dirty water, she was understandably upset.

What I couldn't stand was when she kept insisting that it's our neighbour's fault, when clearly the leak was from our pipe. (The water was dripping from one of the "knobs" on the pipe.) Her argument is that the neighbours just moved in and did some construction and maybe spoilt our pipes. Duh.

If my downstairs neighbour were to come up to us and said we spoilt their pipe I'll ask them to go fly kite. Seriously.

Then she got pissed with us for not believing her. Urgh.

O well, better find a plumber or fix-it guy to take care of that leak soon. And this has to happen on CNY la. FML.

2010-02-12T00:44:00.004+08:00

Today finally slowed down abit after clearing 1 of 3 hurdles.

Guess life/work is always like that. If you always see macro, sometimes you just get overwhelmed. Sometimes we just have to zoom in, break it down and tackle it one by one.

Before you know it, viola! You've done it!

It's kinda like completing a 5,000 piece puzzle, or folding 1,000 paper cranes (*cough).

Don't think so much, just peservere and take it one step at a time.

Surfers will never be able to ride in calm waters. Sometimes we just need a little pressure for us to ride the waves and live high.

Whatever it is, I know you'll be there to catch me if I crash and burn, and know that I've got your back too :)

Early V day celebration tomorrow. Can't wait to see wat my pressie is! HEE!

Happy V Day and CNY to ya'll!

Love muchie! :*

2010-01-03T01:44:00.003+08:00

Can't believe we're in 2010 already. For some strange reason everybody seems hopeful about 2010, that everything is turning for the better. Guess when you're already rock bottom, there's no where else to go but up right?

No resolutions this year, although I will try my darnest not to be too late for work. Haha.

Stuff to look forward to in 2010
1. More simple and happy days. 365! Woot! :D
2. Min and family back in May!
3. Hong Kong trip!
4. US trip! Again! (Kinda my fear too? Haha)
5. End of my 2 year promise (Could be a fear too cos I have no frikking idea what I wanna do after this)

I guess, I'm not a very ambitious or exciting person. I just want everyone around me to continue to be healthy, happy and have everything going smoothly for them.

But then again...I start to feel that this routine is rather tedious. I mean...once you start working, each year seems to be a boring repetition of each other. It's not like those days when you're in school, and you see yourself progressing year to year, or look forward to graduation or other milestones.

Hopefully, I'd be able to find some sort of direction this year, to guide me towards reaching a more fulfilling 10, 20, 30 years more.

Have a great 2010 to you all too! :)

2009-12-20T00:43:00.003+08:00

People that know me well know that I am really childish. And I mean really childish.

I mean, if I actually feel close enough to someone, I'm really whiney. Like I'd drop all the adult act cool shit and just really start talking like a small girl, pout, whine, sulk or even make cutesey noises. The works.

I know usually I like to act tough cookie and all, but when I'm in my comfort zone, I just really love to be pampered like a little girl, and to keep things simple.

The older I get, the more I value simplicity. Many times I just wish that I could turn back time, that we could go back to the days when we were still young, still in school, when things were just so simple.

Life just seems to get harder and more complex with each day. And the worst is how we become caught up in all the waves of drama and lose ourselves.

When we were younger we were all so full of ideals and principles, but the years just seem to slowly chip them away, until eventually, we become more and more like the ones we used to hate.

It is always so easy to judge, to blame, to condemn, to criticize. But when it hits close to home, I just can't help but wonder if perhaps I'm just being idealistic. Is it perhaps really inevitable to compromise on values eventually? I really hope not, but how can one say for certain unless you've been put through the ring of fire?

At the end of the day, I wonder if fidelity is an object of human invention, simply an unreachable goal although a noble one nonetheless.

How many times of you heard of someone who had been unfaithful before? How many relationships have been scarred or even broken up by it?

Conversely, how many times have you heard of someone who was tempted but stayed the course? Honestly, I haven't heard of any. Perhaps faithful people are just blessed by lack of opportunity.

When temptation stares you in the face, how many can give it the finger and emerge untainted? How many would truly be able to survive the test?

I really wanna know.

2009-11-26T01:50:00.003+08:00

Love can be a motivator
To aspire one to be a better person
To strive for a better future together

I hope
that I'm that piece of the puzzle that makes you complete
that I give you a reason to wake up everyday
that I'm your strength in your darkest moments
that I can always push you on when you're losing strength

No frills, no drama
Just real and simple us :)

2009-11-16T01:28:00.004+08:00

About a week has passed since we returned from our US trip! Finally uploaded all the pics on FB but haven't had a chance to write the comments yet! Shall save that till later once again hah.

The trip lasted for 15 days including all the flying, and we went from San Francisco to LA to Vegas. While the trip was of course rewarding, it was kinda challenging at the same time to manage such a big group of people of different ages.

Friends who know me well will know that I'm no travel bug. But still, I can't help but re-live the experience to anyone who is willing to hear.

One thing has totally intrigued me even until now, which is the science behind crossing time zones. On our return flight back, we boarded the plane at San Francisco at 11 am, and our flight was supposed to last for 10 hours. However, imagine my surprise when throughout the 10 hour flight, the sky didn't turn dark at all! When we touched down at Narita airport, the time was only 4 pm which meant that the clock turned back by 6 hours!

I just can't see how travelling across time zones isn't the same thing as time travel, if it means that you either turned back time or went forward in time. Can't understand all the jargon talk online, so if anyone can figure this out, hey feel free to enlighten me!

Have decided to compile a list of what I heart about US and what I would prefer our little red dot to. Will try to publish all the albums by this week, but have a feeling it'd be another busy week!

Stuff I love about US

1. Toilets!

The toilets in US are marvellous clean, it's unbelievable! Even those at petrol kiosks are spotless, and they have toilet seat covers at almost every one! The only dirty ones I've come across (two) were at Chinese restaurants. Hmm. The horrific state of our toilet hygiene struck me no lesser than at Changi. Had to skip three cubicles to find one decent one. Life just hasn't been the same since.

I think they should send like NEA people to US for work-study trip. But government and toilet cleaners can only do so much. For gawd's sake, just sit down people!

PS: The toilets in Narita airport totally amused me as well. They not only have bidet, they also have this function to simulate flushing sounds if you have to let one rip. Pity the fake flushing sound is discernably different from the real one! Hah!

2. Ice water in restaurants

If restaurants in US can provide free ice water to their customers, I don't see why restaurants in Sg should charge for it. They have to pay to buy bottled water to give their customers for free. We get it on tap. Duh.

The best thing is that they always serve you these HUGE glasses of water, filled with ice, and topped with a slice of lemon. Couldn't ask for better to complete the meal. YUMS.

3. Multi-coloured sunsets!

By far the most beautiful, breathtaking sunsets I've ever seen, and likely never will be seen here. Hues of pink, orange, purple and blue at the same time!

4. Grand Canyon

It's a beauty so breathtaking that pictures and words just don't do it justice.

5. Factory Outlets

OMG. They were soooooooo good.

But There's Nowhere Like Home

1. Tipping

It's just such a hassle!

2. Humidity

Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for our humid weather. The weather there was sooo dry that we all had peeling skin at the end of the trip! Complexion felt instantly better once we came back :D

3. Transportation

The roads in US weretotally a challenge to navigate, with funny signs coming up every now and then and lanes which were not clearly marked. The scariest experience is driving on the highways at night when there's no street lighting and you only had light reflectors on the floor which could reflect of your headlights for like 500 metres. Scaryyy

Trying to navigate the public transport in San Fran was a nightmare too. I was practically aching for our trusty buses and trains.

4. Fitting Rooms

Some of the shops we went had the most bizarre fitting room system.

If you wanted to try something, the sales assistant would have to unlock the fitting room for you. But, they don't wait outside for you to be done. So when another customer wants to try something, they would KNOCK on the fitting room doors to see if they're occupied, and after one knock, they would unlock the doors for the customer.

It beats me to no end why they have to do this, when the smarter thing would be to leave empty ones unlocked and occupied ones locked. Duh.

5. Food Food Food!

Nothing beats SG for the easy access to a wide variety of food.

Not to mention that the portions they serve they are obscenely large, which means we had to share our food every meal.

I love our portions. Cos the whole plate is mine mine mine!

2009-10-24T04:58:00.001+08:00

Gawd....can't believe I'm going to go to the U.S of A for the first time. First long haul flight!

Really really touched that J came to save me last night when I was in a frenzy looking for printer. Wish we hadn't fought and could have had two more happy days before the trip.

But..I also know that every argument allows us a chance to understand each other better...and we always come out stronger.

Love love you Grumpy. Can't wait to come back in November!

2009-10-10T00:52:00.006+08:00

SUPER LONG POST AHEAD!

Finally back from my two days of confinement in Ubin for OBS training!

As usual, it was a real torture mentally preparing myself for this course. It didn't help that J would be going on a trip the very next day after I'm back :(

But I guess, although I'm always very reluctant and whiney about going for such stuff, I always throw in my 110% when I'm there. I mean, if you can't help it, why not try to enjoy it? This approach that I adopt usually means that I will enjoy the experience and learn something out of it. Perhaps next time I will just try to keep that in mind and skip the drama the next time round!

Talking about being involved, I really hate it when people refuse to participate in a group setting. I mean, there is a difference between being shy, which is perfectly fine, and being indifferent, which is just annoying. I mean, it not only shows disrespect to the facilitator and the rest of the team, it also wastes alot of people's time and makes things difficult for everyone. Further, such people always just get a free ride yet can lay claim to the successes as part of the group.

Think about it, how would they like it if the rest of us just adopt the same attitude and refuse to contribute? And in places like NACLI and OBS, I can assure you that they will not let the group get away without doing anything! For example, we had to complete a challenge today, and the target to complete was at 11 am, but we were assured that the trainers were prepared to stay with us till 6pm! If all of us didn't give a shit and just sat on our fat asses and look bored, we would not be able to go home early! Luckily, the good ones outnumbered the bad and we managed to finish on time.

But seriously, these people would be the death of me. And the worst thing is, by distancing themselves from the course, they are just WASTING their own time! If they are not involved, they will definitely be bored and not learn anything from it! For me, I'd rather give it my all and throw myself into it than to be bored for 2 days just sitting there spacing out and complaining.

I guess, how much you get out of life really depends on your attitude towards it.

Okay, enough of griping on that, let me share my achievements with you guys!

Rock-Climbing

I actually managed to scale the rock wall and got to the top of 10 metres! From the start we were told to write down our goal and I immediately wrote down the 10 metres as my goal. My theory is that if you aim high and you fail, you will still do well enough.

Half way up the wall though, I realized that my side of the wall was considerably sparser with the grips than the other side. There were some points when I really felt that it would be impossible to proceed.

But, having set the goal, I was really really reluctant to give up and was half wishing that I would slip and fall instead. Then, at least I had not given up!

Gratefully, with encouragements from the rest of the team and by focusing on the goals, I managed to make it up to another level, and another. Sometimes I would just hang there, not convinced that I could do it, but not wanting to let go either. Sometimes the path I chose was really impossible for my physique, but there was always another alternative if I just tried hard enough. Often. the hardest climb would usually be followed by an easier one.

And nothing can describe the pride, relief and exhilaration that you get when you reach the top, and your team members are cheering for you below.

The rock climbing experience really greatly impacted me in several ways.

Firstly, it really feels good to achieve the goal that you set for yourself, even though it may look daunting. Even at times when I felt like giving up, it was the goal that kept me moving. Of course, we need to be realistic in setting our goals and that can only be done when you understand yourself well enough. Every body has different skill sets and competencies. But once you set a realistic goal, I say put in your 200% effort into it and work towards it up to the last moment.

At the very least, even if you didn't achieve your goal, you know that that was the best you could achieve and there's no room for regrets. Often at work, somethings come along and they seem so impossible to fulfill, but I find that if you filter out all the negativity and just take it one step at a time, you will more often than not get there.

Secondly, I realized that we cannot always be a one-man show and assume that we can succeed on our own. I mean, without the help of the team supporting me up the wall, or shouting out advice on which step to take, I would never have completed the wall. Being so near, there are just some blind spots which are impossible to see even if they are right under your nose. This experience really showed me how important team work is, and that often our sucess is not ours alone.

Shut Up

This time round I made a conscious effort not to be too opinionated. Of course, I am still very forthcoming during sharing sessions, but when it comes to problem-solving, I deliberately refrained from insisting on my point of view. For those of you who know me well, you would know how difficult this is for me. I mean, I am one of those people who tend to think that we are very capable and can come up with good observations / solutions, and I typically defend my opinions to death.

This time round, I decided to share my suggestions but to just take it easy if people didn't agree. Of course, it didn't feel good to have people disregard your suggestions, but this was about me, and not them. And disregard they did! It seems that often solutions are decided upon not by logic, but by how loudly/aggressively ideas are delivered.

I guess, I am often guilty of this too, so it was really a learning journey for me to experience how I may have treated others too. The best part? The world didn't come to an end just because my solutions/ideas weren't used! The weight of "saving the world" doesn't fall on my shoulders! And what makes me think that I am smarter than the rest, right? Sure, there were times when I was exasperated that people were obviously going about things in a less than ideal way, but that's ok! I can still go to sleep soundly tonight :)

Process vs Results

Someone in my team kept on saying "The process is more important than the results". Bullshit. I mean, yeah, the process is important, but that shouldn't give you the excuse not to try harder or do it better! At the end of the day, if the team is always losing, doesn't it reflect that the process is not efficient as well?

For example, we were doing this particular challenge and we were obviously making a mess (as usual taking orders from the ones with the loudest voice), and the other two teams were speeding ahead of us. I suggested that perhaps we should re-think our strategy several times, the first being quite early on. The reply from loudspeaker was of course, you guessed it! It's ok it doesn't matter cause the process is more important.

Bullshit. How good a process is it when you are continuously patting yourself on the back and saying well done just because we are not stopping and we are "enjoying the process"? Really? How enjoyable is it to watch others speed past you when you could have done something but chose not to? To me, it's just an excuse to disregard alternative suggestions and insist on doing things your way, even if it's clearly not working.

Newsflash, no one likes to feel stupid. I mean, i agree that often, the process is important. Stories of people choosing to forgo success over helping others are always inspiring, but it should be for a good reason! Choosing not to strive for the best for the sake of "enjoying the process" just doesn't cut it for me.

All in all, this trip really turned out to be an enlightening one for me, and I am sure that the lessons I learnt will stay with me for quite awhile.

Met J after a short rest and went to catch 500 Days of Summer! It was really really really GOOD! In terms of casting, directing, plot, script and even artistic treatment of the film, it was awesome!

SPOILER ALERT

Ok I'm not actually gonna spill the beans on the plot, but just wanna share my views on an issue that was touched on in the film. You can always check back this post after watching the movie :)

You know how some people will say that they are commitment phobic (or whatever) and they don't believe in relationships or marriage? I think that's bull. I think it just means that you are not the one for them. I mean, come one right? If you really love someone, you would definitely want to keep that person in your future and wouldn't want to risk losing them.

What I can concede though, is that perhaps the person doesn't realize that he/she doesn't really love you that much. It's just like the lead actress in the movie, she didn't deliberately lie to the guy, in fact she made things clear from the start. But of course it would hurt like shit when she breaks up with you because she claims to be commitment-phobic but ends up marrying someone in a flash. But to be fair, I think she really didn't know that she would be capable of loving someone to such an extent that she would be prepared to soften her stance. It's like when you meet the right person, the lightbulb just goes off in your head, you're enlightened and you exclaim "I get it!".

Nonetheless, I really think the most important thing in a relationship is making sure your life goals align. I don't mean frivolous things like having the same taste in clothes, food, etc (unless it's a matter of life or death for you), but critical things like fillial piety, child-bearing, marriage, citizenship, just to name a few.

I mean, if you have decided that you want to be a mother and fully experience womanhood, why short-change yourself by marrying someone who doesn't want kids? Half the time you'd be hoping that he would relent someday and half the time he's wishing that time will pass until you become incapable of having kids anymore.

Why do that and shortchange yourself from reaching your life goals? Don't be with someone hoping that they would change for you, that's a recipe for disaster right there! I mean, we are all guilty of doing that, but I really don't think this can be afforded on critical life goal issues. Of course, unless you have decided that being with this person is more important to you than having a child, then go for it! But that's your decision, and your life to bear. No regrets and no blames.

Ahh well, feels good to blog so much even if it's verbal diarrhoea to you. Always happy to hear your comments :)

2009-09-25T02:10:00.004+08:00

Some battles in life are just not worth fighting for.
Why win the battle when you will lose the war?
It would show more wisdom to know when to retreat
And save yourself for a better day.

And I guess,
This also translates into other parts of our lives
Be it
Relationships
Work
Life
Goals

Know which ones you can win
And go all out to win it
Know which ones you will lose
And just move on from it

This popular prayer just came into my mind,
And it is so apt for this post

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Let's focus on the big picture,
And don't sweat the small stuff.

:)

2009-09-16T02:35:00.003+08:00

Being accepted and not being judged is a blessing,
Easy to receive, but hard to return.

I guess, all of us are dysfunctional in our own ways,
We all hold firm values and beliefs in one way or another,
That will inevitably clash with those of others

Perhaps the best way to keep the peace,
Is really not by arguing or debating our way through,
Not by weighing the merits or demerits of each school of thought,
But by graciously accepting that we all have our differences.
That we can agree to disagree.

The gratitude I felt,
To be understood and accepted without question,
Without need for justification,
Had a much greater impact than any reasoning could have had.

I guess at the end of the day,
Most importantly,
Love will see us through.

On a side note:

Was asking the gang what their greatest accomplishment in life would be.
My answer was to be loved.
Not just the obligatory type of loved,
But to be loved so deeply that I really make a difference to other people's life.
Not just by my family,
Although their love keeps me going through the toughest of times,
But by others as well who are not obliged to love me,
Because it is an affirmation of me having mattered to them.
In addition, on top of being loved,
I guess I would like to be remembered as well.

:)

2009-09-03T23:17:00.003+08:00

Satisfaction is...

Seeing the bright smile on their faces over a simple meal

Getting that $35K cheque even though it doesn't go to me

Knowing that people still care

For all the things that money can't buy

For all the happiness and small wonders we can give

That's what makes this job worth it.

2009-08-10T16:47:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Singapore!!!

Nothing like watching the NDP to renew our passion for this little red dot we call home.

Many people always laugh at how abashedly patriotic I can be. For some wierd reason, it is tacky to be a patriotic Singaporean.

But how can you not love this country?

Sure, we have our kinks, quirks and bumps. But nonetheless, isn't it always better to count our blessings?

Despite our limitations, we have survived the odds and made a mark for ourselves in many ways. How many countries have transformed themselves so successfully from a fishing village to a metropolitan city?

I can't think of any other city in the world where I can go out hitting the clubs till the wee hours in the morning, and still make my way home unaccompanied and be sure that I will reach home safely.

We have a world class education system, that allows each and everyone of us to make our own future, if only we work hard for it. Growing up from a poor family, our life has become so much better because we had the opportunity for higher education, and thus better our chances of good employment. Sure, it was hard, but it was not impossible as long as you have the determination to succeed.

Because our country is so safe and our lives so comfortable, we have the luxury of fretting over bad service, bad traffic and what-nots. In other parts of the world, some people don't even know if they will get home alive at the end of the day.

Even for the less fortunate amongst us, there are many heroes in the community who care and look out for them in whatever ways they can.

Because of our affluence, I can still keep in touch with my sister in the U.S, with just a click of the mouse. The cheap and easy access to technology helps us to shorten our physical distances and still stay close despite being miles apart.

I know that when my mum gets older and elderly ailments come up, she can have access to the best medical care we can afford. Because of our well established medical facilities, we are well prepared to fight even pandemics like H1N1.

For all our gripes against the government, we have made this place a good place to grow, live, work and play in. Regardless of what naysayers may accuse them of, it is undeniable that we have prospered, because of their policies.

It may not be fashionable to be patriotic, no.

But i will not be embarrassed to say that I am proud to be Singaporean, and that I love Singapore.

2009-08-10T01:39:00.003+08:00

It had been a really stressful yet enlightening week.

Because we were producing some videos for an upcoming event, I had the chance to meet some really wonderful people who had really inspired me.

An old man who despite his own less than comfortable life, chose to remain active and help others in whatever ways he can.

A young mother who bravely went back into the workforce after being a housewife for 5 years, and now spends each working day helping people to find jobs.

Volunteers who take time out of their busy schedules to help others in need, being a source of support and encouragement for those who are less fortunate.

Its often so easy to get caught up in all the nitty gritty troubles in our everyday lives. So easy to navel-gaze and sink into a deep bout of self-pity. But stories like these remind me that there are always others out there who are worst off, and that by giving them a helping hand, life becomes more beautiful for ourselves.

And then, there was the shocking revelation of infidelity by someone whom I had held in high regard. I cannot find any possibly acceptable reason for someone who had only been married for less than 3 months to so openly fool around with someone else. It simply disgusts me.

Not for the first time, I feel scared to think how you thought you know someone, then find out how wrong you are.

Well, what I know for certain is that karma's a bitch, and I hope he gets what he deserves. Experience shows that they almost always do.

2009-06-03T02:03:00.002+08:00

Today I read a friend's blog and I cried.

Funny how her pain felt so real to me, as if it was my own.

The pain of betrayal, of being thrown aside, of having someone you loved so much rip your heart apart with words like a knife. All the questions that she asked, I've asked myself before. The disbelief, the anger, the hurt, and worse of all, still loving the person even after all the injustice.

And yet, as bystanders we know that it is probably the best to happen to her, because this wasn't the best for her. But all the logic in the world can't stop the pain that you feel deep in your soul, so deep you can't reach to soothe it.

How many times have we ourselves fought to hold on to love that is flying away from us like a kite? It will never be easy to let go, we will always hope if we walk just a little further we will find it again.

The hardest part is accepting that it's just not meant to be, that it's gone like the wind.

But if we do find it back one day, we'll realize that it was never as beautiful as we remembered it to be. We are finally able to see it for what it is, fragile, unreliable and fleeting.

Some wounds leave a deep scar, but I hope that she manages to find someone with a heart as true as she is, to take away the memories of the pain.

Thank you for healing me and bringing back the colours again...lucky me :)

2009-05-05T00:12:00.004+08:00

Home should be our sanctuary, but when it becomes a battle ground where does one run to?

Perhaps family are the ones we take for granted most easily, but they are also the ones who can inflict the most pain.

We are all young only once, they have been young once. Do they still remember how it's like to wanna live life their way?

The issue is not whether or not I have been taking things for granted. I know I have. But so has she in the past.

Why judge me so harshly when she was the same once? Can she not understand why I am as I am now? Why expect me to be like her now, without giving me the chance to live my life as she has? Does being older than me give her the moral authority to expect me to follow exactly what she does, when she does it?

In a way, I guess I am following in her footsteps in many ways, even the "mistakes". Just belatedly. Don't forget I am years younger. Was she any better when she was my age?

I'm 26, not 33. Seriously, what was she like at 26. Or for that matter, just a few years ago?

At some point, I feel like I'm the "flavour of the month". It seems like every now and then, we will all turn against someone in the family, and keep picking on a certain issue. All the more, I wonder why she doesn't understand. For that matter, I wonder if she knows that everytime she's in the heat we will try to defend her or not add to it. I guess not, since she's having so much fun adding salt and vinegar to the stew.

I'm sick to death of putting up with her judgements. I wonder how she would feel if one day she was in my shoes, putting up with the same treatment. Does she honestly think for someone as self-righteous and opinionated as she is, she would have accepted this shit? I honestly doubt it, but she obviously feel she's better than I ever will be.

How can they ask me why I am treating this like a chore? The answer is because they have made it so. The constant pressure, the accusations, just never ending.

I feel like I'm dancing on a tight rope and will be shot anytime if I don't dance to the beat on time.

Even after making an effort, it's still not enough for them. Sometimes it's not even my fault that my efforts failed, but it doesn't matter, it's easy to point the finger and make me the enemy. My plans don't matter and can be disregarded as they wish, but if I don't hit the "quota", I'm in the firing line again.

I mean, if it's never enough, why bother at all?

Perhaps her life experiences has taught her that nothing is more important than family and thus nothing else is worth her time. Perhaps this is true for her, but I just want to live my life and come to my own conclusions.

I'm really trying my best. Please just try to understand that we all just have 7 days in a week, and try to appreciate the efforts I make to try to be a good daughter, sister, friend and girlfriend. Perhaps I'm greedy and I want to be all at the same time. I'm already trying and I believe this is possible, if they learn to respect my life and my choices as well.

I feel like I'm in a pressure cooker, and I don't know how much more I can take before a complete meltdown.

2009-04-26T13:29:00.002+08:00

I hate to feel like my opinions don't matter.

I know sometimes I tend to be too obliging in little things like where to go, what to eat, what to do. I guess I usually won't insist on doing stuff that I want to do, cause I'm pretty easy with these things. To me I guess what's important is that we enjoy ourselves, and it's usually the company that's more important. I mean, I guesss I am pretty "sui bian" / open with these sort of things and I'd usually go along if that person has a strong preference for something else.

But being obliging doesn't mean that I don't have things that I want to do or places I want to go to. Sometimes it's tiring to give in to others all the time. It's like wanting to check out this new place and someone keeps giving you an excuse not to go, and then after that going with someone else and coming back to tell you it's great. It's such a slap in the face.

There are always a million reasons for the choices that people make. At the end of the day, I guess it's about how important my opinions are to someone.

I know it sounds petty to be upset over this sort of things, but such actions are a tangible manifestation of how much your opinions are valued. If I value this person alot, I tend to give in more and tend to take their opinions more seriously. It just sucks when this is not reciprocated, and I'm made to feel unimportant.

For someone as opinionated as I am, this matters alot. I only eat humble pie with people that I care about, but please don't take it for granted.

2009-04-24T01:28:00.003+08:00

Random thought of the day

You start to lose the one you love when you lose yourself.

There are many reasons why people lose their self identity in a relationship.

Sometimes, they change to meet the expectations of being a gf/bf

Sometimes, they change to keep the relationship going

Sometimes, they change to make someone love them more

Sometimes, they change to win back the love of someone

Sometimes, they change because they get too comfortable

Sometimes, they change because they want to get out

Sometimes, we think we want to change

Sometimes, we think they want us to change

Sometimes, they think they want us to change

But I wonder if it is futile to try to transform yourself into someone you are not, or to forget your identity as an individual, for the sake of your relationship. Isn't that when people start to get bored by their partners? Are we not at our most attractive when we are single-mindedly ourselves?

Or think of how easy it is to be so comfortable with someone that you allow them to see every side of you... the un-made-up look you wear at home, the cellulite, the farts & burps. Are people really able to find perfection in imperfection? Can this view of perfection last? As people get more and more comfortable with each other, so much so that they neglect to maintain themselves in front of their partners, do they stand a chance against all the hot young things out there?

I guess, it's always about striking a balance. What's new right? Perhaps loving someone shouldn't come at the expense of loving yourself. Maybe somewhere in the relationship agreement, you can still find your space to preserve the essence of your individuality that attracted your partner in the first place.

2009-04-21T23:49:00.005+08:00

Sent my sister, brother-in-law and baby Zac off at the airport today. Their destination? Idaho for the next two years.

I guess the past couple of months leading up to this day during which my sister moved back with us was indeed trying for everyone. Giving up the space that you're used to for them, the constant crying, the lack of sleep...

But saying goodbye today was way harder than expected, and I really think we will all miss them and worry for them being so far away. Afterall, this is the first time that anyone in my family has travelled so far for such a long period of time.

Although I think the initial stage will be really challenging for my sis, I am also confident that she will find her way to cope with the difficulties and settle in just fine. Afterall, they will still have their friends to rely on. I really think this is a great opportunity for her to live a life different than what most of us have been used to all our lives. Not to mention of course that during this time she will be able to fully concentrate on being there for Zac in his most important years. I'm sure my bro-in-law will surely rise to the calling of being a wonderful father to Zac as well, as much as he has been a good husband to my sister.

The thought of missing my baby nephew's first birthday, first word, first crawl, first step, etc. kinda sucks. But I guess with Skype and all we will manage to stay in touch, and hopefully he won't forget us when he returns in two years.

Rationally, even though we know that they will be fine and that this will be a great opportunity for them, it still doesn't make us miss them less :(

2009-04-12T03:09:00.004+08:00

The long weekend is almost coming to a close, and I honestly can't say I've rested at all!

Caught 2 movies over the weekend, Fast & Furious was boy fluff but Taken was really engaging and kept me on the edge of my seat throughout the show.

The long weekend has also been a time for reflection for me, with some incidences prompting me to re-evaluate how I show concern for those I care about.

I guess I'm always someone who's very vocal about my views, and who believes in tough love. But perhaps shoving my beliefs down other's throats is not the best way to go about things, and could even be counter-productive.

I mean, what's the point in trying to caution someone when all they really wanna do is to plunge head on into what they know is bad for them? I guess if I have given them my 2 cents worth, it is really up to them to decide for themselves what they want to do with their lives and their health.

In the end, pushing the issue will only result in losing the people I care about, and they are still gonna do it anyways.

On a separate note, today marks our 10 month anniversary! I guess this journey is really a learning process for both of us. Undeniably, sometimes past experiences may cast a shadow on things, but I think that should not be an excuse to be be paranoid and second guess her every move.

I guess if our hearts are in the right place, we can overcome any fears and obstacles.

Happy 10 month anniversary :)

2009-03-03T22:00:00.004+08:00

Amazingly, we're already into March, my birthday month! Seems like only yesterday when we said farewell to 2008, and now we're already 1/4 done with the "new year".

Things have been picking up at work, finding my footing in unfamiliar territory. Peoples seem a little more friendlier too, I guess it helps that there are other newbies with me.

Kinda have a love-hate relationship with my direct boss. I like her on a personal level, but just can't really work with her. Apparently, I'm not the only one. But I kinda feel guilty everytime I complain about her with my colleagues, like I'm selling out on her. Guess I'll only bitch about her to non-work friends.

Things on the home front are great too, my little nephew is cute as pie, but he's a real bundle of EVERYTHING. Took him to the doctor's for his jab on Saturday and he totally screamed the house down. That's my boy haha.

Had a great weekend, caught "Marley and Me" and "He's Just Not That Into You". "You" definitely does not do justice to the book, opting to cushion the cold hard facts by lacing it with a fairytale ending for most of the characters. I quite enjoyed "Marley", but have a feeling that the book would be much much better.

Also read "The Last Lecture", which is quite similar to "Tuesdays with Morrie". Some pretty good nuggets of gold in that book, and just as moving.

Had a little "me" time today, just hitting the gym, grocery shopping and going home for dinner. I always think it's good to spend a little time on your own every now and then, just to be in touch with your own thoughts and feelings, being in touch with youself.

Someone called me at a really bad time yesterday, and I think I really gave him a hard time. We used to be rather close, but some things changed and I just don't feel as comfortable hanging out anymore. You know how some people like to put you on a guilt trip when you don't meet up, or if you got other plans on? Yeah I hate that.

I mean, I am rather selective of who I hang out with. If I do make an effort to catch up every now and then, I really don't want to spend that time together being made to feel bad. And this applies to my attitude towards people in general. If I am already making some effort, don't keep putting me down. Because when you push me to my limit, I'm just not gonna give a fuck anymore. I mean honestly, if I get shit for not trying and get shit for trying, why try?

I'm the typical "eat soft don't eat hard" type of person, so being nice to me is a sure win rather than trying to make me feel bad or scolding me. I'm house-trained. I won't climb onto your head and shit on it, promise.

Somehow I'm not particularly excited about my birthday this year, although perhaps I'll be all grinny nearer to the date. Looking forward to chilling out at the beach though, hee hee :)

Sigh, 26. How's my next 25 from now gonna look like?

2009-01-24T02:49:00.006+08:00

Been caught in a whirlwind past few weeks. Phew~

Ok firstly, thanks to all you peeps who still faithfully check back on me now and then, and writing to let me know that you're still reading! Blogging can get kinda lonely sometimes, I mean when you're not Xiaxue or Mr Brown. So, it's nice to know that I'm not just my only audience.

Huggies :)

Anyway, just wanna share the great news that my nephew has arrived!!! His name is Zac, and he's just damn cute! You know how babies typically don't have much hair? Well Zac's got LOADS. Hahahah. His eyebrows are so dense he looks just like crayon shin chan (la bi xiao xing).

Hahaha so cute riiiiite!!! Gosh I am so totally morphing into those parents who can't talk about anything else but their kids! Only that I'm not the mother LOL

Speaking of the mother, we are all really really really thankful that my second sis remained well throughout the delivery, and that she is recovering well. I guess being a new mum is a scary process, but luckily we are all here to support her.

Thinking of how my mum managed to deliver her kids on her own, do her confinement on her own and raise us on her own, it's really a miracle that she pulled through. Even with all the support that minmin is getting, I already feel that pregnancy is an amazing challenge. Somehow my mum managed to pull it off three times without any support from her husband or family. For all her tenacity, courage and strength of character, it's no exaggeration to say that she is really my hero.

I guess during my sister's confinement period at my place, there will surely be some conflict between the both of them.

On one hand, young folks like us are always skeptical of old wives myths and tend to go "opinion-shopping". We find ourselves torn between trusting our elders, who have seen it all, and the health experts, who claim that these myths hold no truth.

On the other hand, our elders feel frustrated when they try to give us advice for our own good, only to find themselves being questioned and doubted.

I guess at the end of the day, as with everything else, it's all about balance and compromise. If it is nothing too major, I would personally rather give in if it makes my loved one feel cherished.

Afterall, our mums are living breathing examples of their confinement practices, and they are truly the end result. Well-meaning friends may advise that some practices are unneccessary, but we won't know for sure that their practices are correct since the impact of confinement usually only shows in old age.

But of course obeying our elders should also be within a reasonable and safe limit, exceeding which common sense should take over.

But most importantly, it's all about communication. Two people shouting at each other will never be able to hear clearly what the other party is really saying.

2009-01-13T23:55:00.001+08:00

Nobody reads my blog! Sulks :(

2009-01-08T01:34:00.003+08:00

Been re-reading Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom again. Really love the book for the candid insights in life and death, and for the inspiring exhortations for us to cherish every living waking moment.

Would like to share this beautiful passage with you folks:

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

So which side wins, I ask?

Love wins. Love always wins."

Albom, Mitch, Tuesdays with Morrie, (Doubleday, 1958)

Every day brings with it a new set of challenges and surprises. Perhaps that is the beauty of life. Just when you think you've got it all, it gets taken away. Or when you are at the verge of giving up, something happens and everything looks a little brighter.

The things you want may not necessarily be good for you. Even unhappy incidences carry with them their own silver lining or a lesson to be learnt.

Since we can't control all the variables, why not embrace them and take them face on with a winning attitude? Maybe that's the secret recipe to a happy and fulfilling life.

Second sis has been in the hospital for almost a week now. We are all really concerned for her and the baby but somehow, I have the confidence that she and the baby will pull through just fine.

It's really kinda scary how you can be feeling all fine one moment but the next moment you are told that something's not quite right with you. Isn't it ironic that you are living in this vessel every moment and yet can be so oblivious to what is going on inside? Sometimes I do wish that our body were transparent, then it'll be so much easier for us to know what's going on with ourselves.

Oh well, the up side of this is that we've really witnessed WR's devotion to my sis. It's kinda sweet to see him taking care of her and loving her in his own way...

All the challenges, trials and tribulations in our life are less frightening when we have someone by our side, just holding our hand and telling us everything will be fine.

That's what I'm here for :)

2009-01-06T22:44:00.006+08:00

More than once I have a feeling that life is passing me by. Sometimes I wonder if I just stand very still, be very quiet, and keep to myself, will I be forgotten eventually?

After my teenage years, I resoluted not to be just "nice". Nice people are like doormats. Carelessly used and heartlessly dispensed with once it is no longer pleasing to the eye. I'm not talking about the charming kind of nice, I'm talking about the "anything lor" kind of nice. You know, like Chen Liping's husband on the new Channel 8 show at 9pm. I mean, "Nice" is just so two dimensional, so un-newsworthy, so boring.

Yet, I wonder how successful I have been in keeping this resolution, since I have not really kept any of the others.

How fun it would be to be an actress. To immerse myself into a character and just be as selfish, manipulative, bo-chup, cruel, thoughtless, reckless and wild as I feel like being or as the script requires.

Would my life be very different? Would I like myself that way? Probably not.

I'm always the sucker that buys in to all the propaganda that preaches for us to be considerate, kind, understanding, supportive and tolerant.

The thing is, I believe in all this corny rhetoric. But sometimes I really wonder what I am trying so hard for. The more you give, the more people take and get used to your giving. The more you think that by being "nice" to the people you care about, the more you give them the license to overlook your feelings.

At the end of the day, people treasure what they are afraid to lose. If they know that they can have their way with you, why change?

I mean, who's afraid to lose a doormat and frankly, who'll miss it?

Details in the Fabric ~ Jason Mraz

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead

Of running around
And pulling on your threads and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it’s a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
And everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

2009-01-01T03:30:00.005+08:00

Finally, we sent off 2008 and ushered in the new year 2009.

Somehow I feel that people are not exactly looking forward to the new year. Perhaps all the predictions of the worsening economic downturn has dampened our festive spirit somehow.

Went to Kallang with J to catch the Marina Barrage fireworks at a distance. Luckily I heeded her advice to move our spot, such that we enjoyed the view as best as we could get. The original spot that I chose was totally off. Laughs.

Before the beautiful fireworks, we recounted the lows and highs of the year, and things we wanna do for next year. Thought it'll be nice to share with you guys too :)

The Lows

1. The betrayal by the most unlikely suspect
2. Wasted more than half the year on my previous soul-sucking dead-end job
3. Changed job but miss my old colleagues!

The Highs

1. Met my angel who brought back the smile, laughter & love
2. Finally left my old job!
3. Finally fulfilled my wish to try working in this sector
4. My sister's preggers!
5. Joanie being there for me during the lows
6. Finally fulfilled my wish to watch NDP
7. My first real concert - Amei
8. Fabian's wedding
9. News that TWO of my pals getting hitched next year

Wishes for 2009

1. Report for work before 9am everyday
2. Lose weight
3. Save money
4. Looking forward to welcome my nephew
5. Looking forward to the first year
6. Paying off all my loans
7. Weddings of my pals - Shuxin and May May
8. Learning to be more patient
9. Settling in better in this job
10. All my loved ones to stay happy and healthy

Was sharing with J, often when we go through a tough time we always feel like it's the end of the world, or that it's gonna be a crisis. The funny thing is that when thinking back, I seem to recall more of the good stuff than the bad, and even the bad seems rather inconsequential in retrospect.

I always like the saying "This too shall pass", and I think it helps to bear it in mind the next time something stirs up and you start to panic.

Let's keep our heads up despite all the predicted doom and gloom. I'm sure we'll all get through it somehow, and there shall be more blessings to count at the end of 2009.

Wishing all friends a wonderful new year!!! Muacks!

2008-11-05T00:27:00.003+08:00

We wish upon the shooting stars,
Reach out and try to hold one.

But if it were ever possible,
Would you catch a shooting star?

Would you be giving it a home,
Or be holding it back from glory?

Would you be basking in its warmth,
Or be burnt by its brilliance?

The weight bears down,
When your dreams get bigger than you are.

But even in the darkest moments,
the shooting star will bring you hope.

2008-10-11T00:31:00.003+08:00

Finally finished the first week of my "In Camp Training". It really wasn't so bad, although I do feel the days are too packed!

Mornings start at 7.45 am and the day only ends at 10.00 pm! Can you believe it???

Went dragon-boating yesterday at Water Venture, and it was a really really cool experience. Back aches a little, but I think everyone had fun.

It is actually really nice to wake up everyday in a place surrounded by all that lush greenery. I just wish we all had some time in the day to explore the place and perhaps spend some time in self reflection or just bonding.

So glad to have Andy with me during this "ICT". I try to befriend everyone, but somehow the girls just naturally form their tight little cliques. Sometimes the sacrifice of trying to get to know everyone is that you never get too close to anyone? Oh well, I think I'll survive these two weeks anyway :)

Anyway I "booked out" today and got a welcome home gift from her. This really nice set of skipping ropes which I have been eyeing for the longest time. Wee~ :)

Alrightey gonna go watch The Nanny now. God I miss that show!

Ta-s!!!

2008-09-03T02:05:00.002+08:00

Today is finally the end, after 2+ years, time to say goodbye to all my students, colleagues and lecturers.

Actually Friday should have been my last day, but since my replacement started work yesterday, I thought I could pop by and help out today to relieve some workload for them.

My first time leaving my first full-time job. Feels kinda strange really, and somehow I am finding it hard to let go. At the back of my head is still 101 things that I need to do. Just hope that I remember them all so that I get someone to follow up.

I really hope that I didn't miss out on any thing, nothing sucks worst for me then to leave with a bad reputation. I always take pride in my work and hate to screw up.

So for now, it's time to relax and adjust my emotions to start at my new job on Monday.

Feeling quite anxious about this new job, because I am never a sales type of person, and sourcing for sponsorship is after all alot like sales. I do hope that things will go smoothly here. At 25, I still have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. I mean, I know what my general strengths are, but not really how that translates into a career path for me. Well, let's just keep my fingers cross and go with the flow I guess.

Anyway a piece of superbly good news came in today! J's results came out and she successfully completed her degree! Yay!!! She was so excited and happy over the phone, and I was really happy for her as well!

Was supposed to meet her for dinner but you guys know how bad with time I am, ended up being almost half hour late, which totally spoiled her mood. I feel really bad for spoiling what should have been a joyous celebration. Sorry baby :(

As with everything in life, one ending always leads to a new beginning. The departure of my old job leading to commencement of a new unknown for me, and the completion of her degree leading possibly to new job or further studies for her.

Even though the future may be unknown, it just seems a lot less scary when you have someone with you every step of the way :)

PS: Sorry if I freaked anyone out over the last post. I went for a pre-employment body check-up the week before and the X-ray seemed strange to me. I asked the nurse about it and she said I had to wait a few days for the report to come back. I was of course freaking out the day before, but fortunately everything is normal! Phew! Nothing like a scare to make you treasure your health man, haha.

2008-08-22T01:52:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is a huge day for me. I hope.

Anticipation is the worst feeling. When you can only worry and speculate, without being able to take action.

I hope I don't have to wait until Monday, I don't think I can stand it.

Everyone is telling me not to think about it yet until I know for sure. That's what I'm telling myself too. But with so much at stake, it's impossible not to worry.

It is always my style to be prepared for the worst. If your expectations are low, falling is only a short way down.

Still, I feel lonely, small, vulnerable, and afraid.

2008-07-20T16:03:00.006+08:00

I don't understand why some people are so commitment phobic.

You know, the type of person who professes to be crazy about you, wanna be together with you all the time/forever, but not willing to give you the status that you deserve. Whether it is taking the step to be "officially" together, or giving the assurance that the relationship will lead to marriage.

I really don't see where the problem lies.

If you are already exclusively seeing that person on a super regular basis, and you are already behaving like a couple in every way, why is it so difficult to make the decision to be together? In using their commitment phobia as a shield, they are really just forcing the other person to play by the rules that they set.

The only reason I see that you would want to be with someone without making a commitment, is so that you can still keep your options open, or back out of the "relationship" without any accountability. The trouble is that these people wouldn't feel too comfortable if the tables were turned.

And what does it mean when you say you wanna be with the person forever, and bear a child together, but that you do not want to get married? How can you be commitment phobic if you want to have a child together. Isn't that the biggest commitment in the world? Isn't being together for the rest of your lives, living together and having a family what marriage is about? How can you not believe in marriage when this is exactly what you want? The only reason that makes sense out of this is that you want all the perks without the trappings, that you can just up and leave at any moment. But that is just plain selfish because then you leave your partner stuck with the poor kid who officially doesn't even have a dad. I think no self-respecting woman would take up such a raw deal. If he doesn't even consider her feelings or point-of-view, then he is definitely not worth her effort.

I mean, why not keep things simple? If you do not have the courage to make a commitment, then at least have the integrity not to enjoy the other perks as well. Certain things are exclusive, and are only reserved for that special someone.

The rules of the game between a fling and a relationship are different, and both parties should at the very least know what game is being played.

I find that when you really like someone, you will make an effort to go out of your comfort zone for them. Sometimes you meet someone so special, you find yourself breaking all your own rules, until you wonder if you are losing yourself.

This is all fine, and part of being in love I guess. The trouble is if the change is only one-sided, and you start to feel a little uneven.

When you decide to be with someone, you are melding your lives together. I think it would be rare for two people to be together, without having a need to make any adjustments to their lives, routine, or thinking. For a healthy relationship, there must be compromise and understanding.

The lives of two single people are two lines perhaps running in different directions. If both parties refuse to change course, then the two paths may never meet. It is not fair for only one line to move and run the course of the other. Being together is a shared decision, and the effort that comes with it should be shared as well.

We may not be used to this new path, we may not feel comfortable or happy every step of the way. But if we have made a decision to take this journey and we think this is worth it, then we adjust and we get used to the new scenery.

You are worth my effort, if I am worth your effort too.

2008-06-18T14:02:00.003+08:00

Horoscopes for Today

ARIES

The Bottom Line
Embrace your opportunistic tendencies -- they have served you well in the past.

In Detail
You might like to think that you don't have any opportunistic tendencies, but you do -- and you should embrace them! After all, they have served you well in the past. It's time to recognize your entire set of skills, not just the ones that make people feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You are a complicated person, which means you are an interesting person! So do not feel guilty if an opportunity comes along that you don't think you deserve. If it's there, you should take it!

My horoscope for today is so LOL la.

CANCER

The Bottom Line
Balance is strong in your life -- things are about to equalize and make you calmer.

In Detail
You are gong to experience a lot more of one of your favorite things today -- balance. Things are about to equalize in all aspects of your life, so get ready to enjoy a healthier period that will give you a stronger sense of security and confidence. You are feeling totally in control and it looks like someone you care about is finally ready to take another step in the right direction in their life. You should use this as inspiration for you own long-delayed changes.

All good things :)

2008-06-16T03:30:00.001+08:00

June is a month of celebrations! Yes i have finally reached the age where people all around me are getting hitched!

After attending so many weddings, I think the most significant wedding for me must be Fabian's. It definitely feels surreal to see your ex-boyfriend getting married. Best is he actually introduced me to his wife as "No. 4". Tamade. Hahaha

I feel immensely proud for him that he has found such a wonderful wife, and that he has taken the leap of faith to commit to a lifetime with her. It must be incredible to decide that this is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. That one person, out of the millions and billions of other people out there in the world. And how amazing it must be to be the chosen one, that ONE out of all the others.

Weddings always overwhelm me. Although I am not the marrying sort (don't even start on how I may change my mind later. I know myself best), I always feel happy when the people I care for decide to settle down. May God bless Fabian and wifey, and may their love grow stronger day by day.

Me and the wedding couple. She's so pretty right? OMG so xing fu la... =)

Anyway, went to Wala Wala with J on Thursday, and it was omg so great la! Can't believe I studied in Clementi for 3 years and never went there once.

We managed to catch the band Unexpected, headed by Shirley Tan (hope I got the name right). Wah, her voice is really really good, with very wide range and very good technique. Plus plus, the drummer and guitarist are really good as well, I was totally blown away I tell you.

Hmm rarely have I come across another live band that I feel can compete with my Brauhaus' one. But..this one can fight la. I am still rooting for Belinda though, cause somehow her singing can really make me feel touched. =)

Finally tried Wala's chicken wings which J keeps raving about. Well, it was nice la, but I still prefer the ones at Ice Cold Beer because it tastes like shrimp paste chicken. Yum Yum. But still you all know me la, throw me chicken anytime I will sure gobble it down. Hahahaha

Anyway according to her we were quite lucky that the band sang our dedication, "I'm Yours", cause they usually don't sing Jason Mraz's song. I think I'm her lucky star la! Whenever I hear that song, really can melt ley. It just makes me feel very blissful and reminds me to keep things simple and go with the flow. Poor Charmaine has been putting up with my nonsense every day cause I will keep playing it at work. Laughs

Photos!

Meanie Han & Kuku Eng!

Kept re-taking until she started to sulk, haha!

So yes, the past two weeks have been flying by like some sort of whirlwind for me. Despite all the initial hesitation, anxiety and uncertainty, we mustered the courage and took the plunge to start on a new chapter of our lives together.

What J says is true, the more you fear, the more you lose. When you dare to take the risk, somehow things become a lot less scarier. Perhaps happiness is more cherished when you have worked for it, instead of just waiting for it to happen.

I know I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, always act gung-ho but am really a sissy inside. Even Charmaine laughs at how gu-niang I can be. Aiyah! I am girl wat! Entitled to be gu-niang ok!

We may not know how everything will work out, and I guess at this point I don't want to think so much either. I just wanna hold on to this simple happiness that we have, and enjoy all the moments. No matter what, yes, we're in this together :)

When you check out each other's horoscopes
When you wanna share every little incident of your day
When you are enjoying good food and just wish you could share it with her
When something happens and she's the first person you call
When she comes to mind first thing when you wake
When she's the last thought before you sleep
When a single sms can make your day
That's when you know you have fallen.

2008-06-03T17:10:00.005+08:00

Major butterflies in my stomache today. Feeling excited, hopeful, anxious and nervous. Same feeling of restlessness in different shades.

Thanks for bringing back the colours.
Thanks for bringing back the smiles.
Thanks for helping me to keep the faith.
Thanks for walking with me through the difficult times.

This is not the end, but the start of something new. No matter which path we take, I am glad I met you.

For you I'll take the leap of faith. :)

2008-05-31T15:05:00.005+08:00

Caught Sex and the City with the girls yesterday. Luckily Zoe was so psyched up about the show that we agreed to catch it, otherwise I would have dismissed it as overhyped fluff and gave it a miss.

Was damn emo throughout the show, guess I could identify with some parts of the story. I cried so ridiculously much, when it was supposed to be a funny show la. Joan just keep laughing at me, tears streaming down uncontrollably and eyes all red and puffy. I looked like I had just been dumped. LOL

I hope I have exhausted all my bad karma. I didn't allow myself to become cycnical, didn't learn to play the game. I fell in love, I gave my all, I fell from my dreams, I dusted myself off, I picked myself up. Time and time again. Keep telling myself, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Perhaps it would be smarter to build a wall around myself, to not allow anyone to get to me. But, I don't wanna change who I am, I don't wanna become jaded and cynical. I still believe in love, perhaps not everlasting, but as good as it gets.

I feel on thin nerves, I feel fragile. Please, handle with care.

Thanx for Nothing ~ Mariah Carey

This is dedicated to all the ladies out there
That's tired of getting played you know

Thanx for nothin'
You were just playin' a game

I can't even know what to say
I've been hurt I've been played
And I'm so ashamed
I can't even cry it's that deep
You just lie and you cheat
Like it's nothin'

See you said that you loved me too
And so I trusted you
But I guess that subconciously I knew
But I didn't wanna face the truth
That I was only being used
And you was just frontin'
Hey boy, thanx for nothin'

I never knew enough about you babe
And I guess I only have myself to blame
Now I'm broken-hearted and shattering
You were just playin' a game

Nothin' anyone could do to convince me babe
I was livin' in a lie just a masquerade
Now I only know that I'll never be the same
But you were just playin' a game

Thanx for nothin'
You were just playin' a game

Every day and every night
I stayed by the phone
Never gone no place so just in case
You called I'd be home
Seems like what I do is
Think about our pseudo romance
While you're somewhere burnin' diesel
In the streets havin' laughs

Somebody say you know what I'm going thru
You been left with nothin' too
Too much you can't count on one hand
Singing 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 days a week you're drowning in tears
He was so insincere
Now you're layin' up in bed
Every night singing
Hey boy, thanx for nothin'

I never knew enough about you babe
And I guess I only have myself to blame
Now I'm broken-hearted and shattering
Cause you were just playin' a game
Nothin' anyone could to convince me babe
I was living in a lie just a masquerade
Now I only know that I'll never be the same
But you were just playin' a game

So thanx for nothin'

2008-05-27T22:51:00.005+08:00

People always say that in relationships, the thrill is in the chase. If you want the chase to last, you gotta play hard to get. Being pursued is always a good feeling, but I just don't play mind games very well to keep the game alive. Even though I should know better, I still wear my heart on my sleeve, no matter if you can feel it or not. I know it is reckless and silly, but I find it tiring to carefully craft each reply or each reaction to obtain a desired response.

Our heart was borne whole, and we trust it to others to protect it as we go along in life. Sometimes, people aren't careful and they break our heart. Out of anger, some people will set out to break others' heart just to share the pain. Some people will guard their heart selfishly and never trust again, for fear of getting hurt. Most people will pick up the pieces and carefully put them together again. Inevitably, you find yourself missing more and more pieces, or your heart becomes more fragile than the last time round. Most people will still take the risk to trust another person, because carrying it on your own is a heavy and lonely burden to bear. If I trust you with my heart, please be gentle with it.

When you start to feel for someone, every moment and every word gets magnified.

You obsess over every little incident, every conversation, and try to read between the lines. The happy times are re-lived over and over again in your head, and the sad or confusing ones re-told to your closed ones for perspective. You find yourself grinning at the silliest things, smiling to yourself at msn or phone messages, and even just to the mention of her name. You find yourself getting affected by the smallest things, which in retrospect didn't really matter at all, only because you really care.

Happy or sad, the magic is in the moments.

2008-05-24T15:05:00.004+08:00

Super long post alert!

Slept close to 6 last night, cannot believe that I woke up at 11 am today la! Forced myself to go back to sleep but again woke up at 1 pm. Don't even know why I can't sleep. Damn pissed!!!!!!

This week is another clubbing packed week for me. Went to Play with Diva on Thursday, cause she said that she would be having morning off on Friday.

Diva: Ey I Friday morning off leh.
Psycho Diva: Orh ok lor. So?
Diva: ....
Psycho Diva: Oh! You want to go club on Thursday har? Wah lau say la!

Hahaha I can be so dense sometimes.

Music at Play was really damn good this time round. Must ask Edward who is the DJ man. At least he wasn't playing "Super Star". Yeah ok that used to be our favourite song la, but come on la it's super outdated can. Phuture and Boiler still playing that lor can you believe it? Sucks when these DJs spin R&B cause they bobian, when they really want to spin House or the non-commercial stuff. Spinning R&B is not simply playing tracks after tracks ok? Got remixes what. Have to think of the flow what. Don't anyhow anyhow high tempo suddenly drop to low tempo mah. Sheesh. I should be a DJ.

Anyway, we are so proud of Edward!!! His R&B has improved tremendously! We love Edward la. Of course, I still love Aldrin for the hard House!!!

Drinks at Play were solid too...I think they got too much money or they got their alcohol supplies damn cheap. For each jug they poured at least 3.5 shots! Our 2 jugs felt like 4 jugs man. My only gripe is with the crowd. People there ah, all just checking each other out. They might as well go sit at Starbucks la. I think only the two of us were in our own world, totally disinterested. Haha.

Anyway, we hit the clubs again yesterday, because it was Dbl-O's 8th anniversary. I tell you, that place is the only surviving club on the once-thriving Mohamed Sultan road. Actually, the DJ at O-Bar is also very good, but I really hate the crowd there.

On the up side, the crowd at Dbl-O and O-bar really bother to dress up and they really set out to enjoy themselves. Notice that there are many more good dancers there too. (Of course, there are many more crap dancers too, so extreme haha)

On the super down side, there seem to be so many people there who have no sense of common courtesy, or chivalry, or just a concept of personal space.

When you see the bar is full, and there are people in front of you, doesn't it occur to you that they are also trying to get drinks? What makes you think you have the right to sneak in before me to get to the counter first?

And there's this stupid guy, he like pushed and shoved himself right to the front, and kept plastering himself to the guy in front of him. He even tried to compete with that other guy to get the bartender's attention. Honestly leh, super turned off. It's as if he will drop dead if he doesn't drink AT THAT INSTANT. Pissed off.

The dance flo0r was not better either. Actually we had quite a bit of space in front of the DJ console, and we were happily dancing there. Very soon, these group of poser kids had to plant themselves next to us, and started to do their shuffling and prancing. Ok, no problem, we moved abit to give them more space, but they kept prancing nearer and nearer to us. I hate it when that happens I tell you. You want space I give you space then stop encroaching in mine la!!!

I just kept telling myself ok ok chill chill don't get pissed...Then I felt a tap on my shoulder. Wah I thought that the guys realized their folly and wanted to apologize. NO!

He actually asked me........

"Can I buy you a drink"

DURING FREE FLOW!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!

I gave him my best withering stare, and said

"No. Just don't bump into me!"

Joan and Jesse already knew I was at boiling point with them already la, and when they saw this, they were beside themselves with laughter.

TMD i tell you. These people dunno come from what planet.

I was telling Joan, that we should all have a bubble that surrounds each of us, so that people don't encroach on our personal space. Then for friends right, our bubbles can combine to have a bigger space! Random people who want to come into our bubble will be by invite only. Maybe we should even have a door-bitch to screen them first. But then I told Joan, considering how wide her social circle is, our bubble will get damn crowded la. Hahaha I say the darnest things sometimes.

Bottom line, don't get in my space la! Don't give me that shit that clubbing is like that. Yeah if it's crowded it's inevitable. But if it's not even crowded in the first place better stay far away from me!

Ok ok to break the ranting, some clubbing pics...

Dreamy picture of the Divas at Play...I love this picture la!

Us at Dbl-O!

One more funny incident to share wahahaha~

On Thursday, I received a msg from Jay around 1 plus, somehow when I got home at 3 plus I think I was super-tired, and I replied her....

"P"

I think she must be like wtf is capital P supposed to mean! That's not even the end lor. Apparently she asked me to wake her up next day morning, I still can reply and ask why she needed to wake up early. But when I woke up the next day, I totally did not recall the whole thing! When she asked me about it I still can ask, "Har, where got? When you tell me?"

Yes again, I had a super kuku "Dude Where's My Car" moment.

Hahahahahaha.

Oh yeah and Joan said like so many bimbo things yesterday. Can't remember them all, but the best one that stuck was...

"Luckily eyebags are black. I mean can you imagine if they were bright pink?" (-_-)

Ok la! Enough blogging! Till next post folks, cheerios!

2008-05-18T00:17:00.027+08:00

Long weekend this week, especially for me since I didn't go to work on Friday. Yes I know I'm terrible. I think I just really needed to get away for awhile, too many negative vibes going around I think I may just get depressed from it all.

Celebrated Sijia's birthday, first with buffet @ Copthorne Hotel, then clubbing at Phuture!

Me and Joan bought her a really nice necklace from Tiffany, which she loved so much she didn't dare wear it in the first place. Hello woman...buy for you don't wear you want to frame up ah?

The buffet at Copthorne Hotel was surprisingly good, and at half the price for what we paid for Shangri-La's The Line! The variety may not be much, but each dish was delicious, and the seafood was really fresh!

Photos!

Me with the Birthday Girl. See the huge heart we made for her! Finally we have welcomed our last member into the Quarter-Life Crisis Club. Next milestone will be the big THREE-O!

Me and Zoeline, best friend and most feminine of the lot la!

Group shot! We had to take this a couple of times because the first few that the waiter took for us was either off-centre or blurry. Anyway I realized that I didn't take a separate picture with Joanie, and she just brushed it off and said we take too many pictures together already! Hurt... :(

Then it was off to clubbing at Zouk, where Edward and Wani joined us! Giles Peterson was spinning at Velvet, but we weren't even tempted because that is just such a poser-ish place lah.

Me and Edward. Brother, we still remember that "accessory" you said you wanted, after watching Made of Honour. We will hold you to it that we dare buy you dare wear hor. Just you wait. Haha.

Groupie at Zouk! Edward is a lousy photographer la! See Joan and Wani's head cut off! My head is too damn big I look like a monster next to Jia. (-_-)

Very rare to club nowadays with my dearest Zoe, so must take picture to commemorate the moment! Somehow I look reluctant though!

Finally, first picture of us for the day, nicely taken too!

Cozying up for another shot. God girls just love to take pictures don't we? Over here, you can vaguely make out the Tiffany necklace. Well if you can't, just take my word for it that's its real pretty! Oi! Take your eyes off her chest la!

Our turn with Lulu! We just never grow up la. Put me with these 3 and I instantly become the playful Secondary School girl again. Haha

Anyway it was a really fun clubbing night, very rare to get four of us in a club together..especially Zoe. Got home about 5 plus and totally crashed.

Somehow managed to drag myself to wake up about 11 plus for work. Thankfully Joan gave me morning call otherwise I would have over-slept and would be so screwed.

Were supposed to catch What Happened in Vegas at Cine after work, then Joan called and told me we'll be meeting Ed at Vivo and later she need to grab some discs from him for work. Asked me if I wanted to watch at Vivo instead.

Wah lau eh woman. You know me for how long you also know I hate GV right? Anyway somehow I was feeling spoilt today and just whined and whined that I don't want. In the end bobian she relented and we agreed to catch at AMK Hub instead after everything. Yeay. Win.

Was walking around Vivo trying to find a nice place to have dinner, and everywhere was FULL. Chanced upon a Thai restaurant called Thai Accent, and decided to give it a shot. The food was FABULOUS! The service was exceptional too, with the staff coming around every so often to refill water, dish out soup for us, even offering more rice. Wah so impressed la!

Anyway, I came home, and to my astonishment, realised that Jay went to the same restaurant yesterday. How coincidental right! Hahaha think our country is just too small.

Pity that Vivo is the only outlet that they have at the moment, so guess I won't get a chance to eat it so often! Still haven't tried Jai Thai near Joan's place, wonder if it's as good as before!

What Happened in Vegas is wonderful man, seriously go watch it! It is sooo much better than Made of Honour. Even though I thought Cameron looked a bit washed out in the trailers, she looked gorgeous somehow in the movie! Must be her sparkling eyes and grin :)

Super stoned now..can barely open eyes la! Gonna crash soon and get myself well-rested. Going for World Wide Fest tomorrow with Joan. My favourite DJ Aldrin will be spinning, though we have no idea what time yet. I am so psyched! In my perception, no one comes close to spinning hard House music like him, that can get us grooving the whole night long!

I love Aldrin!

2008-05-16T17:41:00.004+08:00

Feeling down today. I get irritated whenever I can't shake off lousy emotions and can't shield myself from them. Sometimes I just wish that I can reach in and pull out those negative vibes and flung them far away into outer space.

I hate it when people can bitch and be very outspoken and garang one moment, but during a confrontation just shut up. I hate it when given the opportunity to change things, or at least try, people just back off and bo-chup.

It's like going to war with an army of 10,000, and when you are on the frontline you find yourself all alone.

Grow some balls for goodness sake. If I believe in something I will fight for it. If you don't even make that effort, then just shut up and stop whining about everything. Because YOU chose not to do anything about it.

So what if you are intending to leave? Your input could make a difference for everyone else still left behind. I hate it when people say "What's the point since I'm leaving already".

Can you be a bit more selfish! Since you're leaving, what do you have to lose! The rest of them may not even have that chance to give this feedback, and since you are in that priviledged position, can't you try to make a difference!

The very day you are still in this position, you are still obligated to carry out your responsibilities 100%. If you really cannot be bothered, then just pay up and leave immediately.

And don't even get me started on that bitch.

Cruella: Sharon, all I'm hearing from you is "No".

Cruella: Don't get too bogged down by the details yet. We are just thinking of the idea. If you just keep focusing on the small things, you will always be stuck in status quo.

Fuck you la. Don't come and talk to me about ideas. All your lofty ideas were EXACTLY what we proposed last year. Fancy claiming credit for them now. The only reason why we are not suggesting the same thing is because we are already having so much problems now how to have an overhaul! Get real man! So du-lan.

Me: It's not that I am opposing everything you say. The thing is, I would rather anticipate what problems these may bring in the first instance, rather than for the change to result in complaints and then we will have to revert back again.

Me: Anyway, we do not object to YOUR idea at all, since this is in essence what we proposed last year. In fact we were puzzled that these changes did not take place then. The only thing we are afraid of is that we may not be able to handle the transition at this stage.

Don't even try to play these games with me. You sooo picked the wrong opponent. I am not a door-mat. So funny how the garang ones turn out soft, and the one I thought is a door-mat fought admirably with me. Such a revelation.

If you want something, fight for it.

2008-05-11T03:47:00.005+08:00

Finally I have closed the door, secured it with a sturdy lock and threw away the key.

I have played her games for the past 5 months, but enough is enough. No more turning back , because finally my head and my heart have come to an agreement.

Everyone has their limits, and even though my threshold for her was higher, she crossed it. The past few times I tried to end things, I was doing it rationally even though I couldn't bear to let go. I worried that I was going soft. I wondered, along with everybody else, what happened to the old me. If I were an objective third party, I would think that my actions were stupid and self-destructive.

In retrospect, I needn't have worried. This has always been my style. It is always easy to get to me when I still give a damn. But once my patience and tolerance is up, nothing you can do will change my mind.

I know that many people wondered if I have gone mad, why I gave her so many chances when she has hurt me time and again. Some people even said that I was unfair.

I guess I really wanted to work things out instead of just walking away. I thought that this was something worth saving. I looked at other couples who have pulled through and thought that I could do it too. I didn't want to throw it all away then wondered if I could have tried harder.

The ironic thing is that the harder we tried, the murkier things got. In the end, we are just left with broken tainted pieces. It will take a lot of patience, persistence and pain to put them back together but I no longer have the energy and she simply does not have the will.

For the past few months, I kept wondering how this will end. Now, I have decided that this is the ending that I want for myself.

No more mind games, no more emotional roller-coaster rides.

Peace at last :)

2008-05-08T22:46:00.002+08:00

OMG Friendster horoscope is so accurate!

Here's the reading for Aries today:

The Bottom Line
You'll react emotionally today, but so what? Don't suppress it. Feelings are truth.

In Detail
You might have an unexpected (and perhaps even a tad bit embarrassing) emotional reaction to something that is seemingly innocuous today, but so what? Don't suppress it. You need to let your emotions come out in full force right now. Show people that it's not such a bad thing to have human emotions. You can't be a robot all of the time. Celebrate the fact that you are in touch with your feelings -- it is a strength to show them, not a weakness.

Couldn't have said it any better.

I hate it when people patronize me. Don't fucking waste my time.

2008-05-05T00:42:00.003+08:00

I hate my newly-repainted purple rooms and baby pink doors.

I am already 25, not a newborn baby girl.

Sucks :<

2008-05-01T15:46:00.003+08:00

Friendster Horoscope for May 1, 2008

Aries

The Bottom Line

Real problems require real solutions, not just window dressing. You must face facts.

In Detail

Real problems require real solutions, not just window dressing. You have to get to the root of the issue and face the truth about what is really going on here. The time when you could just smile and pretend that everything is okay has long passed, and you need to admit that things have gone in a direction that could be best described as disastrous. The good news is that you have the power to change it -- you just have to get up and get going! Start making the changes you want.

2008-04-21T01:59:00.003+08:00

Job-hunting sucks.

How is it that one with work experience can be less marketable than a fresh graduate is a great mystery to me. I mean, how can some experience be better than no experience right?

Thinking of all the tricky interview questions I may have to deal with just makes me feel a little weary. I think people ask those questions just to see you squirm.

For example:

"Why did you leave your previous employer?"

The best thing about being a fresh graduate is that you don't have to deal with this. After you start on your first job, this is like the must-ask question that interviewers will throw at you.

Do not EVER make the mistake of bad-mouthing your previous employer. It is absolutely bad manners and will make your potential employer wonder if you will bad-mouth their company too.

Having said that, what DO you say to this?

* New working environment: What's wrong with the old one? Now how do you get out of that without bad-mouthing your previous employer?

* Career change: This just seems as if you haven't put much thought into planning your own career in the first place and are now regretting your choices.

"What is the best and worst thing about yourself?"

I always pray they don't ask me this. It's hard enough complimenting myself in front of a total stranger, who is probably not gonna believe me anyway. Yes I know we are supposed to market ourselves at interviews but I am just a bit shy when it comes to this. It is even harder to find a decent bad thing to tell your interviewer and still come out of it looking good.

Lets see:

* Always late: Haha I don't think anyone would be particularly impressed by a tardy person.

* Impatient: Hmm I could probably turn that around to say that I have a good sense of urgency and want to complete tasks fast?

* Takes things too personally: High expectations of myself?

Sigh. So sian. Sucks to have to job-hunt again. Always makes me feel inadequate.

Ok it's not like I have to, but I think it's about time for a change and to be pro-active about making life better for myself instead of whining and complaining about it.

Wish me luck people :(

2008-04-15T19:37:00.005+08:00

The 9 Words Women Use & What They Really Mean...

1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7) Thanks:A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8)Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F*** YOU!

9)Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times,but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

It's all true!

2008-04-10T01:10:00.014+08:00

March has been a super crazy social month!

First, there was the provocative Slutty Porn Star Party...

Can you guess what we went as? Haha I'm not supposed to let the pictures leak out cause Joan swore she would have my ass if I did. Aiyah they not so smart to guess la don't worry =D

I think we looked nice considering we made our "costume" ourselves!

Then it was jetting off to Bangkok for shopping!

Aww don't we look shweet in matching Tshirts. Haha. Anyway the hilarious story behind this Tshirt is that we went to Chatuchak on Saturday and saw the large sized ones. Joan asked the lady at the shop if they have it in small, and she said no. The next day, we went back again and decided to try our luck. This time we asked the boss and he, without hesitation, took out the small sizes for us. See? Persistence pays off!

Came back to Singapore and it was my birthday dinner with Dawn, May and Charmaine at Pasta Cafe.

After dinner we went to Brussel Sprouts for Belgium beer and mussels. We forced Jac out of the office to join us too!

Yes after much harping and failed attempts, I finally got to eat my mussels. The mussels were fantastic, but order the white wine ones. They kept laughing at me cause I kept pronouncing it as Muzzels. They said by the same logic, Mississipi would be Mizzizzipi. (-_-)lll

Anyway, we finished the white wine ones and ordered the tomato based one.

Big mistake.

Erm.........Ok this just totally turned me off muzzels. :@ It's so obscene it's almost porn! Mussels will never look the same to me again...

Met Christine for our birthday dinner too. It was a really nice catch up session and we went to watch Charlie Barnett after that. The show was quite ok, in a kind of wierd way. No nice photos for this one because we tried to take on the train and it just ended up looking like shite. LOL

Then it was our Very Vogue party!

Can you believe it? Sijia, Zoeline and Joan actually planned a surprise for me! I was shopping with Sijia for Joan's present and were supposed to meet Joan and Zoe at the hotel. When we opened the hotel room door, they popped streamers and everything, screamed "Happy Birthday" and I got a really nice bouquet of Tulips (from Zoe). These girls are really the best I tell you.

It has been awhile since anyone made such a big effort for my sake, and I am really super touched. Joan of course spent an obscene amount of money on the room, decorations and she even printed 15 of the Very Vogue tshirts! I don't know how she found the time in her busy schedule to plan all this but then again she is a superwoman. I really loved the surprise babe, thanks! It must be one of my most memorable birthdays ever. Joan's colleagues were great too to help out, especially Shaiful who did the super glam backdrop!

With my favourite girls before we hit the club. Good friends are like a cup of hot cocoa when you are down. Warm and comforting :)

Met up with Shuxin for a dinner at Asian Kitchen and to catch up for awhile. It is always nice to catch up with her, just to update each other and bitch about life in general. Finally, she has found someone who "adds value" to her life, and I can really tell that she is happy and I am really really happy for her :) Looking forward to the next catch up session!

On Saturday I went to watch Pillowman with Joan. It is a dark thriller/comedy and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The cast was great and the script was great too! I would highly recommend it to everyone, but don't expect this to be a "leave your brain at the door" kind of thing. I love Adrian Pang!

Last Sunday was Singapore Fashion Festival!

The glitz, the glamour...

The models!

Note the saxophone player in front. At first I thought they were playing for real and I was super impressed...

Until this violinist screwed it up. She was not even in sync with the music and it was so obvious she was faking it. Chey....

On a side note, they had these girls in black walking down the runway on one segment, they were not the real models la, just calafares. So they had the girly girls walking down one side, and
the more andro ones down the other isle. Seems like they planned eye candy for everyone that day, haha.

Can you tell we are so tired out?

To end off the birthday celebrations (yes Divas celebrate birthdays for one month!), Poey Poey treated me to a nice dinner at Hotel Rendezvous.

It was really sweet of her la, cos she knows I love to eat more than anything else. Although the selection wasn't wide, every dish was wonderful! I could hardly walk after that!

Gosh even blogging about all the activities are wearing me out! Heard from Joan that this weekend is packed as well. Better hit the sack now...

Cheerios darlings :*

2008-03-26T23:59:00.009+08:00

Today I feel a sense of lightness as I went through the day. Even when I was walking home alone, the scenery never felt so peaceful, and the sky never so beautiful. Finally, I am no longer haunted by the inner struggles that I have been battling with for the past few months. It's as if the fog has lifted and I am able to see things more clearly now.

Yes, letting go was really difficult for me yesterday. Even when I know she didn't want to talk anymore, I childishly didn't want to hang up the phone.

But today, I really feel liberated. I know for sure that this is the end, because we both want it to be. Yes, it may be a bit of an ego bruiser, but I think it is for the best.

I think I've been moping around for too long anyway, now is time for the cheerful me to bounce back, brighter (intellectually?) and shinier than before! Ta-dah! New & Improved Formula (cue Jap accented English)!

I know I should have given up long ago, but sometimes I can be too stubborn for my own good even though the people around me are all thinking I've gone crazy. I know I have been weak for a long tme, so much so that Joan is calling me a "tofu-brain". This time round, I have finally convinced myself that this is really the end.

I guess in a sense this was kind of a social experiment for me.

I mean, I always thought people who forgive their partner for cheating on them are damn stupid. I always say that there's no way in hell I will forgive someone for doing that to me, and I never did before this. I believe that if a person can cheat once, they will do it again and again and again. No matter what the reasons, people who cheat are just being selfish and cruel, case in point being my dad. That's why I run once I even so much as smell unfaithfulness.

This time around however, I think I just wanted to handle things differently. I think of all those people who have weathered the storm and lived to tell the tale, and I just wonder if I had it in me to do it as well. Think Hillary & Bill Clinton. Think Xiang Yun & Edmund Chen.

For once, I felt that the pain would be worth the effort if I could save something I treasured so much.

Of course, needless to say, my experiment failed. Nope, failed would be an understatement. It crashed and burned man. LOL

The only good that came out of this is that I can tell myself I tried my best to save it. I won't be plagued with "what ifs" and wonder if things could have turned out differently. I wouldn't have to wonder if I had given up too easily, because I know I have done all I could. So I guess that's why I am feeling relieved now, knowing that this is the best possible outcome.

So moving forward, I think I still prefer the tougher me. Ultimately, a girl has got to watch her own back. Everyone is selfish afterall, so we just have to love ourselves more than anyone else. All in all, I think I can come to terms with myself over the whole incident, and have learnt a thing or two from this.

I still know who I am, and I know that I have so much love to give. Shuxin told me that she believes I haven't met The One yet, and she is sure I will. That's a really nice thought, if such a person actually exists.

And as for her? I have only the best wishes for her in all areas of her life, as long as I am not involved in it. I even ordered a "media ban" on everyone to not pass on any news of her to me. I think I will be happier not knowing.

Don't worry people, I am back on my size 5 feet. Bao will just be hibernating for awhile, till the next better player wakes her up from deep sleep with a sweet kiss. Of course, I stress again that only the faithful need apply.

In the meantime, the Psycho Diva is back in action yo~

2008-03-25T15:23:00.005+08:00

Went for a getaway to Bangkok to sort out my thoughts, but came back feeling worse.

You made me a million promises, you promised me the sky, the earth and the moon. You tell the world you want me, but your efforts are short-lived. After all the hurt and pain you caused me, you expect me to still play the role of the doting, understanding girlfriend.

All that I want is someone to share a simple love with. I do not need you to buy me gifts, I do not expect you to chauffeur me around or to be with me 24/7. What I need from you is to feel loved, that I am the only one for you, and that you would protect me from harm. That's what you will find if you bothered to look into my eyes.

It is a simple joy to be able to call someone your own, to be able to pick up the phone and call that person up for no reason at all. Even saying "I love you" and sharing a simple kiss is a priviledge that people take for granted.

But somehow, this wasn't good enough for you. You threw it all away and even when you had the chance to save it you didn't try hard enough.

I've finally reached my limit, no more chances. I don't have the energy or the courage to go through all this shit. I look at the road ahead and I don't see how this mess is gonna clear up. All that you have done is to tell me to look the other way and not think about it. Let's get this straight. You were the one who messed up, so you were the one that was supposed to clear things up. Don't expect me to bear with this and be understanding or try to cover up with more lies.

I don't even recognize you anymore. When I take a step back and think about all you have done, I just can't bring myself to forgive you or to love you anymore. It seems that the person I love is just a facade, and the person you really are is selfish, greedy, manipulative and heartless. People are so scary. You think you know them well and think they can be trusted. One fine day, you come across something and it is just like a loose thread on a scarve, pull it and everything starts to unravel.

You are not worth my time, effort and tears. You are like a malignant tumor. If I just let this go on, the pain will just keep growing and will kill me for sure. So I am gonna cut you off and let time heal all wounds.

2008-03-14T00:12:00.004+08:00

I Wish You Love...

I wish you bluebirds in the Spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss
But more than this
I wish you love

And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all
When snowflakes fall
I wish you love

But most of all
When snowflakes fall
I wish you love

2008-03-11T00:31:00.002+08:00

<<過火>>張信哲

2008-02-16T17:29:00.010+08:00

Should I Stay ~ Dreamz FM

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you’d been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you

I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Even though I’m down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you

I don’t know (I don’t know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?
Oooohh…should I stay?
Should I go?

It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you

I don’t know (I don’t know)
I wanna know
Should I stay or should I…?

This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn’t matter somehow
But you were livin’ proof of what love is about…

PS: Sorry about the kiddy graphics (or lack of) on the video. Best I could find on Youtube haha. But it's a real great song from a local band. This song is kinda looping in my head now, haha.

2008-02-10T16:07:00.000+08:00

What a busy CNY this has been. I had the sneaking feeling that I wouldn't be able to rest much over this four and half days break, and by golly I was right!

Went to watch PS: I Love You yesterday. My goodness it is such a great movie! Hillary Swank is now my favourite actress, right up there on the ranks with Will Smith and John Travolta.

I was basically crying throughout the whole movie. I think it was a bit ridiculous. Can you believe I cried even more than any of the actors or actresses in the movie? (-_-) So drama right? Maybe a part of the reason is because I am not feeling particularly peachy recently.

But it is really a wonderful wonderful show. They made Hillary look so gorgeous in it! It's such a far cry from her Boys Don't Cry days, lol. Ladies, please remember to bring your tissue so you don't have to end up moping your face with your jacket. Hah.

I think I now have a new found preference for Irish men. Rrrrrrr...

2008-02-08T14:58:00.000+08:00

I am amazed at how quickly things can change.

In the space of 24 hours, you can cross the line between bliss and misery.

Little details can change one's perception of everything.

I don't understand why people cheat.

I am never the possessive sort, the exit option has always been available. How can people be so cruel to the ones they say they love? Why didn't you just leave? That way, at least the memories will not be tainted by your infidelity. I could have said that you are the best I ever had.

Don't blame it on me, on temptations or on the other person. Blame it on yourself. You are too selfish to let go, too greedy to want everything.

Who do you think you are? Why should we fight over you? Are you even worth the effort? Your lack of self control and irresponsible behaviour has destroyed everything, caused all parties so much pain. In the end, everybody loses.

I hate to play mind games. If you love me I shouldn't have to fight for you. If you love me I should be able to trust you. Don't ask me to understand cause it's not my fucking problem. Don't ask me to forgive you cause you have done the unforgiveable. Don't ask me to forget cause you have left a scar.

I am sick of all you cheaters. Only the faithful need apply.

2008-02-04T00:40:00.000+08:00

Just did spring-cleaning with my sisters today. It was really exhausting, but I feel very happy looking at our accomplishments.

Perhaps it is time for me to do an emotional spring-cleaning too. I really hate to play mind-games, and I cannot handle such complexities. How I wish I could just wipe the slate clean and forget about everything just like that. I wish that I could let go of all my feelings for her and all the memories.

Maybe it's just like trying to quit smoking you know. You can either go cold turkey, or you can cut down slowly. Cold turkey is painful, but you get "clean" faster. Trying to smoke less is usually not fruitful, because you never really get off it. The more you hang on to that one ciggy of the day, the more you feel you need it.

I think I should really harden my resolve, tell myself that this is over and move on. It's hard though, because sometimes the person that is hardest to convince is yourself.

Sorry folks for all the mushy mopey break-up talk. I guess it may take me awhile to pull myself back together. Don't worry about me, I am really alright and I still function and carry on with my life normally. I just need some time to get over this, and I know I will. =)

2008-01-31T23:47:00.000+08:00

For some time, I have been pretending that everything is going to be alright. I foolishly thought that all you needed was time. Time to realize that you still love me, and that we should be together.

I think it is now time to face the truth. That for you, we are over. That you are moving on. That you now have a whole new exciting world of possibilities waiting for you out there, among them the 16 year old.

Wow, this really sucks. Losing out to a 16 year old, that you claimed you do not even like, that it is impossible between the two of you. It really really sucks. To be fair, perhaps she was not the reason why we turned out this way, maybe you are only mildly interested in her. Still, I think it helps to be able to blame someone, even childishly.

I don't blame you for being honest to me. I think it would be horrible if I knew you were keeping this a secret. At least, I am not the last to know. The stupid thing is when Joan suggested that maybe something was going on with you two, I had defended you. I really believed that it was just about us. Well, I am glad that at least you are honest with me, so that I do not need to hold on to some foolish hope.

I do not even remember how you got to me so much. I never expected us to be together for so long, and never thought I would love you as much as I do. And yet I do. I feel like I have found my soul mate. Someone whom I can be together so happily, who makes me feel so comfortable with myself. The perfect companion, someone who can indulge me, speak my language, and understand me so well. I trusted you completely, and when we were together, I never doubted your faithfulness to me.

I wish I could turn back the clock somehow, that there was something I could do to make things return to the way they were. But yet I know that this is foolish thinking, because once the heart has changed, it will never be the same again.

You used to fight for us to stay together, and all of a sudden you are the one who has wants to let go and move on. And yet you want us to be as close as we are, but just as friends. I don't know what this is, I don't know how to deal with it. It's like when I feel the wound is barely healing you cut me open again. How can you claim to have loved me so much, and yet move on so quickly? The worst of it all is, what is happening to me? Where is the old me that I know, who can suck it all up and move on bravely? What happened to my pride and dignity that I just want to hold on to whatever little is left of us?

I am not the type to grovel, I am not the type to beg. But I am just like every person, who has feelings too. I know that soon, I too will be able to let go and move on, but I just wish that this happens soon.

2008-01-15T00:03:00.000+08:00

I saved a life today!

I was just strolling home when I noticed a stray cat sprawled on the road, gnawing at some roadkill. Strays would usually scoot whenever people get too close to them, but somehow, I had a wierd feeling that this kitty seems to have forgotten this instinct.

I tried to shoo it away from a distance, but it didn't even bat an eyelid. Fine, I thought. Ignore me by all means. I shrugged and felt I did my part, and continued walking home.

After a few steps, a car on the opposite side of the small lane drove up. The kitty still didn't move. I stopped in my tracks, literally willing it to get off it's fat ass. No response.

Soon enough, another car came along, this time on the kitty's side of the road. It was about 1 metre away and the cat still didn't budge. Didn't even look up for that matter. Luckily, the car slowed down to give way to the other car turning out. Before it started to move again, I quickly and very unglamly ran out onto the street and held my hand out to stop the car.

I think the driver and his passenger must have felt incredulous, because they could not see the kitty from where they sat. For a moment, I think they must be afraid I would rob them LOL. I quickly shoo-ed the animal away. Before long, me, the kitty, and the car went out separate ways.

I know it seems trivial, but I feel kinda happy in a way. It didn't take much effort from me, but it very likely made all the difference to the kitty. =)

On a separate and totally irrelevant note, don't you find it funny how people seem to love sad songs when we are down? Songs that I find are only so-so in the past, suddenly take on a new sense of meaning when I am down.

I guess it is the sense that somewhere out there, someone can understand exactly how you feel, and has spelt out each indescribable feeling and strung it with a beautiful melody. Or perhaps, we just welcome the repeated stabbing pains when listening and re-listening to a sad love song, so that everything just numbs off faster.

2008-01-14T00:40:00.001+08:00

Painted my nails a nice shade of red today, with the new nail polish that I bought. Somehow, red is such a strong colour that when I wear it, I just feel a burst of confidence surging through me. It's like wearing pretty jewels on my finger-tips.

It's telling me to get my act together, to stop moping, and do that brilliant colour some justice.

Another new week tomorrow. Right now, it seems impossible for me to get through the week. But I know that once Monday starts, I will be right in the thick of things, and before I know it, it will be the weekend again.

I guess that's just how things are sometimes. Very often, you just wonder how you can get through it all, and you feel that it is impossible. Looking back, there must have been many crappy moments in our life, but yet we survived it all.

Like not making it into Uni the first time round. Like during my teenage years when I just couldn't get along with my family. Like when I found out that my ex was cheating on me. Like now.

All those moments when we felt like the world would come crashing down, and yet, we made it.

There's this saying which I can't remember where I picked it up from, but it goes "This too shall pass."

This too shall pass, indeed.

2008-01-06T17:02:00.000+08:00

Went clubbing at Zouk yesterday and Aldrin was GREAT!

What a great start to a new clubbing year, this bodes well.

Hopefully everything will be as fulfilling on other fronts as well.

My resolutions for this year:

1. Stop being late!

2. Refrain from taking cabs (cos they are damn expensive now!)

3. Find a new job?

I'll be happy if I manage to get at least one done!

Good luck to all of you too... :)

Youtube Video - Repeal 377A

2007-10-20T18:07:00.001+08:00

2007-10-20T18:06:00.001+08:00

Yes, almost everyone has an opinion on this issue. Repealing S377A to decriminalize gay sex.

After a review of the penal code, the government has decided to repeal some laws, for example, decriminalizing oral and anal sex between a heterosexual couple. Interestingly, they decided to retain Section 377A, the section which criminalizes sex between gay men.

I personally hold the view that this archaic law should be repealed, considering that gay sex between 2 consenting adults does not really harm anyone.

Yes, family values are important, but it is not as if people will become homosexuals overnight just because the law is repealed. Perhaps there will be more of them coming out of the closet, but well, they were gay in the first place.

Conversely, criminalizing the act will not turn people straight if they are not. At best, they just force these people to live and love in secret, fearing that they may be exposed. How is that supposed to help or benefit the rest of us?

Most of the arguments against repealing the laws are based on religious beliefs and values. While I respect these religions, I do not believe that religious values should provide the direction for our laws and public policies. We belong to a secular state, governed by secular laws. The state should not be forced to play moral police in this case.

Think about it. You may be uncomfortable with the idea of homosexuality. But will it really make you feel better to be part of "the majority" to deny these people their right to live and love as they wish? Why not live and let live?

We do not all have to agree, but we could at least agree to disagree.

Many gays may yearn to be honest about their sexual identity to their friends and family, but do not do so because of this archaic law. The law may also make it difficult for someone who is openly gay to get a job, thereby limiting his potential for self-fulfillment. Let's make the step towards a more open and inclusive society today.

To sign the petition, log on to: http://www.repeal377a.com/

There is another petition going on to oppose repealing s377A, and they call themselves the MAJORITY. I wonder if they have even known any homosexual friends to see for themselves that regardless of sexual orientation, we are all humans. Do most Singaporeans really oppose homosexuality?

At the moment, the anti-repeal camp is winning with more signatories. If you feel that the act should be repealed, act now to sign on the open letter.

Open letter to the PM extended only till Sunday, 21 Oct! Sign now before it's too late!

2007-08-08T00:22:00.000+08:00

Love Love!!! :*

2007-06-12T01:34:00.000+08:00

Been feeling caught in limbo rather often recently.

There are some situations where I feel that it is less than ideal, and not what I really want, but yet not bad enough for me to actively do anything about it. It's like I know I should stop complaining or feeling sorry for myself and change the situation, but then it's like so much work and I don't even know whether it will get better or worse.

Perhaps I am just lazy, or lack the courage to face the unknown. Not too sure, or perhaps I am just waiting for the push factor. Sigh.

2007-04-28T16:48:00.000+08:00

"The Happy Prince" by Oscar Wilde (1888)

High above the city, on a tall column, stood the statue of the Happy Prince. He was gilded all over with thin leaves of fine gold, for eyes he had two bright sapphires, and a large red ruby glowed on his sword-hilt.

He was very much admired indeed. "He is as beautiful as a weathercock," remarked one of the Town Councillors who wished to gain a reputation for having artistic tastes; "only not quite so useful," he added, fearing lest people should think him unpractical, which he really was not.

"Why can't you be like the Happy Prince?" asked a sensible mother of her little boy who was crying for the moon. "The Happy Prince never dreams of crying for anything."

"I am glad there is some one in the world who is quite happy," muttered a disappointed man as he gazed at the wonderful statue.

"He looks just like an angel," said the Charity Children as they came out of the cathedral in their bright scarlet cloaks and their clean white pinafores.

"How do you know?" said the Mathematical Master, "you have never seen one."

"Ah! but we have, in our dreams," answered the children; and the Mathematical Master frowned and looked very severe, for he did not approve of children dreaming.

One night there flew over the city a little Swallow. His friends had gone away to Egypt six weeks before, but he had stayed behind, for he was in love with the most beautiful Reed. He had met her early in the spring as he was flying down the river after a big yellow moth, and had been so attracted by her slender waist that he had stopped to talk to her.

"Shall I love you?" said the Swallow, who liked to come to the point at once, and the Reed made him a low bow. So he flew round and round her, touching the water with his wings, and making silver ripples. This was his courtship, and it lasted all through the summer.

"It is a ridiculous attachment," twittered the other Swallows; "she has no money, and far too many relations"; and indeed the river was quite full of Reeds. Then, when the autumn came they all flew away.

After they had gone he felt lonely, and began to tire of his lady- love. "She has no conversation," he said, "and I am afraid that she is a coquette, for she is always flirting with the wind." And certainly, whenever the wind blew, the Reed made the most graceful curtseys. "I admit that she is domestic," he continued, "but I love travelling, and my wife, consequently, should love travelling also."

"Will you come away with me?" he said finally to her; but the Reed shook her head, she was so attached to her home.

"You have been trifling with me," he cried. "I am off to the Pyramids. Good-bye!" and he flew away.

All day long he flew, and at night-time he arrived at the city. "Where shall I put up?" he said; "I hope the town has made preparations."

Then he saw the statue on the tall column.

"I will put up there," he cried; "it is a fine position, with plenty of fresh air." So he alighted just between the feet of the Happy Prince.

"I have a golden bedroom," he said softly to himself as he looked round, and he prepared to go to sleep; but just as he was putting his head under his wing a large drop of water fell on him.

"What a curious thing!" he cried; "there is not a single cloud in the sky, the stars are quite clear and bright, and yet it is raining. The climate in the north of Europe is really dreadful. The Reed used to like the rain, but that was merely her selfishness."

Then another drop fell.

"What is the use of a statue if it cannot keep the rain off?" he said; "I must look for a good chimney-pot," and he determined to fly away.

But before he had opened his wings, a third drop fell, and he looked up, and saw - Ah! what did he see?

The eyes of the Happy Prince were filled with tears, and tears were running down his golden cheeks. His face was so beautiful in the moonlight that the little Swallow was filled with pity.

"Who are you?" he said.

"I am the Happy Prince."

"Why are you weeping then?" asked the Swallow; "you have quite drenched me."

"When I was alive and had a human heart," answered the statue, "I did not know what tears were, for I lived in the Palace of Sans- Souci, where sorrow is not allowed to enter. In the daytime I played with my companions in the garden, and in the evening I led the dance in the Great Hall. Round the garden ran a very lofty wall, but I never cared to ask what lay beyond it, everything about me was so beautiful. My courtiers called me the Happy Prince, and happy indeed I was, if pleasure be happiness. So I lived, and so I died. And now that I am dead they have set me up here so high that I can see all the ugliness and all the misery of my city, and though my heart is made of lead yet I cannot chose but weep."

"What! is he not solid gold?" said the Swallow to himself. He was too polite to make any personal remarks out loud.

"Far away," continued the statue in a low musical voice, "far away in a little street there is a poor house. One of the windows is open, and through it I can see a woman seated at a table. Her face is thin and worn, and she has coarse, red hands, all pricked by the needle, for she is a seamstress. She is embroidering passion- flowers on a satin gown for the loveliest of the Queen's maids-of- honour to wear at the next Court-ball. In a bed in the corner of the room her little boy is lying ill. He has a fever, and is asking for oranges. His mother has nothing to give him but river water, so he is crying. Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow, will you not bring her the ruby out of my sword-hilt? My feet are fastened to this pedestal and I cannot move."

"I am waited for in Egypt," said the Swallow. "My friends are flying up and down the Nile, and talking to the large lotus- flowers. Soon they will go to sleep in the tomb of the great King. The King is there himself in his painted coffin. He is wrapped in yellow linen, and embalmed with spices. Round his neck is a chain of pale green jade, and his hands are like withered leaves."

"Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow," said the Prince, "will you not stay with me for one night, and be my messenger? The boy is so thirsty, and the mother so sad."

"I don't think I like boys," answered the Swallow. "Last summer, when I was staying on the river, there were two rude boys, the miller's sons, who were always throwing stones at me. They never hit me, of course; we swallows fly far too well for that, and besides, I come of a family famous for its agility; but still, it was a mark of disrespect."

But the Happy Prince looked so sad that the little Swallow was sorry. "It is very cold here," he said; "but I will stay with you for one night, and be your messenger."

"Thank you, little Swallow," said the Prince.

So the Swallow picked out the great ruby from the Prince's sword, and flew away with it in his beak over the roofs of the town.

He passed by the cathedral tower, where the white marble angels were sculptured. He passed by the palace and heard the sound of dancing. A beautiful girl came out on the balcony with her lover. "How wonderful the stars are," he said to her, "and how wonderful is the power of love!"

"I hope my dress will be ready in time for the State-ball," she answered; "I have ordered passion-flowers to be embroidered on it; but the seamstresses are so lazy."

He passed over the river, and saw the lanterns hanging to the masts of the ships. He passed over the Ghetto, and saw the old Jews bargaining with each other, and weighing out money in copper scales. At last he came to the poor house and looked in. The boy was tossing feverishly on his bed, and the mother had fallen asleep, she was so tired. In he hopped, and laid the great ruby on the table beside the woman's thimble. Then he flew gently round the bed, fanning the boy's forehead with his wings. "How cool I feel," said the boy, "I must be getting better"; and he sank into a delicious slumber.

Then the Swallow flew back to the Happy Prince, and told him what he had done. "It is curious," he remarked, "but I feel quite warm now, although it is so cold."

"That is because you have done a good action," said the Prince. And the little Swallow began to think, and then he fell asleep. Thinking always made him sleepy.

When day broke he flew down to the river and had a bath. "What a remarkable phenomenon," said the Professor of Ornithology as he was passing over the bridge. "A swallow in winter!" And he wrote a long letter about it to the local newspaper. Every one quoted it, it was full of so many words that they could not understand.

"To-night I go to Egypt," said the Swallow, and he was in high spirits at the prospect. He visited all the public monuments, and sat a long time on top of the church steeple. Wherever he went the Sparrows chirruped, and said to each other, "What a distinguished stranger!" so he enjoyed himself very much.

When the moon rose he flew back to the Happy Prince. "Have you any commissions for Egypt?" he cried; "I am just starting."

"Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow," said the Prince, "will you not stay with me one night longer?"

"I am waited for in Egypt," answered the Swallow. "To-morrow my friends will fly up to the Second Cataract. The river-horse couches there among the bulrushes, and on a great granite throne sits the God Memnon. All night long he watches the stars, and when the morning star shines he utters one cry of joy, and then he is silent. At noon the yellow lions come down to the water's edge to drink. They have eyes like green beryls, and their roar is louder than the roar of the cataract.

"Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow," said the Prince, "far away across the city I see a young man in a garret. He is leaning over a desk covered with papers, and in a tumbler by his side there is a bunch of withered violets. His hair is brown and crisp, and his lips are red as a pomegranate, and he has large and dreamy eyes. He is trying to finish a play for the Director of the Theatre, but he is too cold to write any more. There is no fire in the grate, and hunger has made him faint."

"I will wait with you one night longer," said the Swallow, who really had a good heart. "Shall I take him another ruby?"

"Alas! I have no ruby now," said the Prince; "my eyes are all that I have left. They are made of rare sapphires, which were brought out of India a thousand years ago. Pluck out one of them and take it to him. He will sell it to the jeweller, and buy food and firewood, and finish his play."

"Dear Prince," said the Swallow, "I cannot do that"; and he began to weep.

"Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow," said the Prince, "do as I command you."

So the Swallow plucked out the Prince's eye, and flew away to the student's garret. It was easy enough to get in, as there was a hole in the roof. Through this he darted, and came into the room. The young man had his head buried in his hands, so he did not hear the flutter of the bird's wings, and when he looked up he found the beautiful sapphire lying on the withered violets.

"I am beginning to be appreciated," he cried; "this is from some great admirer. Now I can finish my play," and he looked quite happy.

The next day the Swallow flew down to the harbour. He sat on the mast of a large vessel and watched the sailors hauling big chests out of the hold with ropes. "Heave a-hoy!" they shouted as each chest came up. "I am going to Egypt"! cried the Swallow, but nobody minded, and when the moon rose he flew back to the Happy Prince.

"I am come to bid you good-bye," he cried.

"Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow," said the Prince, "will you not stay with me one night longer?"

"It is winter," answered the Swallow, "and the chill snow will soon be here. In Egypt the sun is warm on the green palm-trees, and the crocodiles lie in the mud and look lazily about them. My companions are building a nest in the Temple of Baalbec, and the pink and white doves are watching them, and cooing to each other. Dear Prince, I must leave you, but I will never forget you, and next spring I will bring you back two beautiful jewels in place of those you have given away. The ruby shall be redder than a red rose, and the sapphire shall be as blue as the great sea."

"In the square below," said the Happy Prince, "there stands a little match-girl. She has let her matches fall in the gutter, and they are all spoiled. Her father will beat her if she does not bring home some money, and she is crying. She has no shoes or stockings, and her little head is bare. Pluck out my other eye, and give it to her, and her father will not beat her."

"I will stay with you one night longer," said the Swallow, "but I cannot pluck out your eye. You would be quite blind then."

"Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow," said the Prince, "do as I command you."

So he plucked out the Prince's other eye, and darted down with it. He swooped past the match-girl, and slipped the jewel into the palm of her hand. "What a lovely bit of glass," cried the little girl; and she ran home, laughing.

Then the Swallow came back to the Prince. "You are blind now," he said, "so I will stay with you always."

"No, little Swallow," said the poor Prince, "you must go away to Egypt."

"I will stay with you always," said the Swallow, and he slept at the Prince's feet.

All the next day he sat on the Prince's shoulder, and told him stories of what he had seen in strange lands. He told him of the red ibises, who stand in long rows on the banks of the Nile, and catch gold-fish in their beaks; of the Sphinx, who is as old as the world itself, and lives in the desert, and knows everything; of the merchants, who walk slowly by the side of their camels, and carry amber beads in their hands; of the King of the Mountains of the Moon, who is as black as ebony, and worships a large crystal; of the great green snake that sleeps in a palm-tree, and has twenty priests to feed it with honey-cakes; and of the pygmies who sail over a big lake on large flat leaves, and are always at war with the butterflies.

"Dear little Swallow," said the Prince, "you tell me of marvellous things, but more marvellous than anything is the suffering of men and of women. There is no Mystery so great as Misery. Fly over my city, little Swallow, and tell me what you see there."

So the Swallow flew over the great city, and saw the rich making merry in their beautiful houses, while the beggars were sitting at the gates. He flew into dark lanes, and saw the white faces of starving children looking out listlessly at the black streets. Under the archway of a bridge two little boys were lying in one another's arms to try and keep themselves warm. "How hungry we are!" they said. "You must not lie here," shouted the Watchman, and they wandered out into the rain.

Then he flew back and told the Prince what he had seen.

"I am covered with fine gold," said the Prince, "you must take it off, leaf by leaf, and give it to my poor; the living always think that gold can make them happy."

Leaf after leaf of the fine gold the Swallow picked off, till the Happy Prince looked quite dull and grey. Leaf after leaf of the fine gold he brought to the poor, and the children's faces grew rosier, and they laughed and played games in the street. "We have bread now!" they cried.

Then the snow came, and after the snow came the frost. The streets looked as if they were made of silver, they were so bright and glistening; long icicles like crystal daggers hung down from the eaves of the houses, everybody went about in furs, and the little boys wore scarlet caps and skated on the ice.

The poor little Swallow grew colder and colder, but he would not leave the Prince, he loved him too well. He picked up crumbs outside the baker's door when the baker was not looking and tried to keep himself warm by flapping his wings.

But at last he knew that he was going to die. He had just strength to fly up to the Prince's shoulder once more. "Good-bye, dear Prince!" he murmured, "will you let me kiss your hand?"

"I am glad that you are going to Egypt at last, little Swallow," said the Prince, "you have stayed too long here; but you must kiss me on the lips, for I love you."

"It is not to Egypt that I am going," said the Swallow. "I am going to the House of Death. Death is the brother of Sleep, is he not?"

And he kissed the Happy Prince on the lips, and fell down dead at his feet.

At that moment a curious crack sounded inside the statue, as if something had broken. The fact is that the leaden heart had snapped right in two. It certainly was a dreadfully hard frost.

Early the next morning the Mayor was walking in the square below in company with the Town Councillors. As they passed the column he looked up at the statue: "Dear me! how shabby the Happy Prince looks!" he said.

"How shabby indeed!" cried the Town Councillors, who always agreed with the Mayor; and they went up to look at it.

"The ruby has fallen out of his sword, his eyes are gone, and he is golden no longer," said the Mayor in fact, "he is little better than a beggar!"

"Little better than a beggar," said the Town Councillors.

"And here is actually a dead bird at his feet!" continued the Mayor. "We must really issue a proclamation that birds are not to be allowed to die here." And the Town Clerk made a note of the suggestion.

So they pulled down the statue of the Happy Prince. "As he is no longer beautiful he is no longer useful," said the Art Professor at the University.

Then they melted the statue in a furnace, and the Mayor held a meeting of the Corporation to decide what was to be done with the metal. "We must have another statue, of course," he said, "and it shall be a statue of myself."

"Of myself," said each of the Town Councillors, and they quarrelled. When I last heard of them they were quarrelling still.

"What a strange thing!" said the overseer of the workmen at the foundry. "This broken lead heart will not melt in the furnace. We must throw it away." So they threw it on a dust-heap where the dead Swallow was also lying.

"Bring me the two most precious things in the city," said God to one of His Angels; and the Angel brought Him the leaden heart and the dead bird.

"You have rightly chosen," said God, "for in my garden of Paradise this little bird shall sing for evermore, and in my city of gold the Happy Prince shall praise me."

2007-04-26T00:56:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps!

I'm back from Bali, and tonight is the last night of rest before i go back to work.

I went with Karyn and a bunch of her super fun friends, and looking back i think we had a blast! The trip wasn't exactly what i expected though. It was fun, but in a boot camp kinda way. We were so busy doing all the sea sports that we didn't catch much rest, and i feel more exhausted coming back than going there.

We all went shopping on the first day, and i bought a really nice bikini! It is quite itsy bitsy and i think a little loose, but fortunately i did not have a wardrobe malfunction, otherwise i think i would just hide in my room till it's time to come back home!

Of all the sea sports that we tried, i felt the best was the flying fish. If you go to Bali, i really recommend that you try it! It's like para-sailing, but faster and more fun. We were told to lie in a float that would be dragged along by a boat, and at high speeds the float will fly into the air. There are ropes for us to hang onto, and a base for us to stand on. An instructor would be hovering over us, balancing our weight by zooming from one side of the float to another. Our instructor moved like spider man, and he was really amazing! I think if i were a young naive girl i would be so charmed by him and probably go on the ride another few thousand times more.

I also tried para-sailing, which apparently was supposed to be "relaxing", but i somehow find it really hard to relax when i am suspended in the air by next to nothing, alone. When i was on the brink of almost relaxing, the ride was over and it was time to land. I was really fearful that i would not be able to follow their instructions correctly, or that i would not have enough strength to pull the ropes to land, but thankfully it was not that tough.

Another minor accomplishment was with the wakeboarding. All six of us went in one boat to try it, and we each had 15 minutes each. Obviously, we were supposed to try to stand up on the wakeboard and surf while being pulled along by the board. I was amazed that i actually was the best performer of the group. Of course, it's not like i could do it like a pro, or even ride the waters for far, but i was quite pleased that i was able to almost stand up. As i say, minor accomplishment. My friends now call me surfer babe. Unfortunately, i bumped into the steps of the boat while trying to get up, and i now have a horrible bruise on my thigh that looks as though i am poisoned and have to amputate my thigh off.

Our water rafting was pretty fun too, but it was only on shallow waters and nothing too rocky. I felt sad that the beautiful spot that we meandered along was occasionally littered with pieces of cloth and empty bottles. No wonder tourist places always have a love-hate relationship with tourism. The beauty of these places are always inevitably marred by the inconsiderate littering of the tourists.

We went surfing on the last two days, and i think that was when i had the worst tan. One time, i was surfing on the body boards with Karyn and Yanling and we ventured pretty far into the sea. And you know how it's like that the further you go, the less waves there are? When we noticed that there were no waves to bring us back, we were already far out. We had no choice but to swim back, and i tell you, it's no joke. I got some horrible abrasions on my torso while trying to swim back while on the body board. But that wasn't the most exciting thing yet. Karyn, Yanling and Belle even had a near death experience while surfing. Somehow they were caught under a series of massive waves which totally washed them under water a couple of times, and Karyn even lost her board for awhile during the episode. Apparently they were at the crashing point of the waves, so the force pushed them into the water instead of forward. Now they all have bruises to commemorate the incident, and i think the experience deepened their ya-ya sisterhood.

Despite the entire trip being really really fun, eventful and exciting, i couldn't help but feel a little dissapointed. Bali was not the place that i expected it to be. In my imagination, i had thought that it would be a place of rustic charm, where i can get away from the hustle and bustle of the city life, where the beaches would be clean and pristine. I had thought that Bali would be the imagery equivalent of one of Lisa Ono's numbers, Blue Hawaii perhaps, calming, relaxing, with an air of happiness in the wind.

What we found there, did not live up to the imagination at all. The streets did not seem to have been maintained in a long time, with broken drain covers making it a hazard for pedestrains. I ended up injuring my toe quite badly on one of them, although it was also partly due to my own clumsiness. To top that up, we were pestered by touters almost everywhere we went. Of course, it is understandable that hawkers would pull you to their shop to promote their wares at the flea markets, but we were pestered by sellers even at the beach, when all i wanted was some peace and quiet. They came in droves, pestered, and lingered. No i do not want a hat. No i do not want another mat. No i do not want another surf board. No i do not want an ice cream now. No i do not want a mani/pedi. No i do not want a massage. No i do not want any shades. No i do not want to braid my hair. And when my polite no thank you's do not work, i just gave up and ignored them. Otherwise, they simply hovered around and wouldn't go away. I think the ultimate were the taxis. They just kept horning at us while we were strolling along the roads, trying to get us to take their rides. Don't they understand that if i wanted a damn cab, i would just stand at the roadside and not move? The horning really got our nerves, and i think it was worse than back home.

Don't get me wrong, i loved Bali and my trip was really fun. I just don't think it was relaxing though, definitely not my idea of a "get away from it all" holiday, which i so needed to recharge. Redang next year perhaps? We'll see... :)

2007-04-16T01:00:00.000+08:00

Accomplishment of the day:

I skipped 1000 times today!

That is like half of what that Korean singer Rain skips everyday. According to 8 Days, he manages to get his fab body by skipping 2000 times each day. So, if i skip 1000 days, can i get half of that?

Anyway, i totally spoilt that by going to Chomp Chomp to pig out with Karyn. Can you imagine, just the two of us, and we had stingray, veggies, satay, chay tow kway, orh jian, chicken wings, and a full glass of sugarcane juice!

Damn i'm such a pig.

FOUR MORE DAYS TO BALI!!!!!

2007-04-04T02:01:00.000+08:00

Office Politics

Hate them, can't avoid them. Many denounce office politics and claim to never get involved in them. However, more often than not all of us are end up as either pawns or players in the game.

Ever been fodder for gossip? Or scapegoat for someone else's mistake? Or had a thousand daggers stabbed into your back by someone you thought was your friend? Or perhaps, you are just the fresh prey that unwittingly wandered into the harsh wilderness, being watched by a group of hungry vultures just waiting for you to die so that they can feast on your remains.

When on the receiving end of an attack, we instinctively try to protect ourselves, for the sake of "justice" of course. Before we know it, we are retaliating tit-for-tat, and in so doing, are drawn deeper and deeper into this malicious game of Office Survivor.

It is hard to follow advice to ignore these mischief-makers. Afterall, it is only natural that we want to defend our good name. On the other hand, I would never want to become the type of person that i despise so much, to resort to low-brow tactics for the sake of career advancement. Although I may not be able to change my environment, but i can choose how to react to it!

Hopefully a reality check every now and then will remind myself not to be so affected by these madness in the office, and take it all with grace and dignity. I guess i just have to remember...

"Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff!"

2007-03-18T23:48:00.000+08:00

Chillout @ Oosh!

Went with Karyn and the gang to Oosh at Dempsey road, and the place had a really nice ambience to it. I had a really wierd drink called High on Grass, which was a blend of different types of leaves and vegetables. It tasted pretty alright at first, but then when it warmed to room temperature, it reminded me of puke. Urgh.

We even saw famous twins May and Choy there, and must admit they were quite hot! A little ditsy though, kinda reminded me of the sitcome Hope & Faith.

Anyway, some photos that we took there...

The Fantastic Four

March Babies!

High on cranberry juice -_-

After the drinks, we decided to catch a movie since we were all pretty nua to go clubbing. After some deliberation, we decided on The Freedom Writers, starring Hillary Swank.

The movie was really good with a fantastic script and wonderful cast. Hillary Swank once again proves her acting chops in the show. It is quite easy to dismiss the storyline as too idealistic, until you realize that it is based on a true story! In fact, i love this show so much that i am dying to get my hands on the book that inspired the show. Go watch it people, i give this a 5 outa 5!

2007-03-06T01:39:00.000+08:00

Now that's advertising!

Brilliant marketing by SIM.
I sure don't wanna end up in that bin!

2007-03-04T17:31:00.000+08:00

Cafe Del Mar

Popped by Cafe Del Mar yesterday with Karyn & Yanling yesterday, mostly cause we ran out of places to go. Spent an entire hour trying to figure out the gear. I mean yeah i know that it is a beach club, but it's not just any beach club. It's not exactly sunset bay right?

So anway, i finally decided on a pair of shorts teamed with a green halter. The drive into Sentosa wasn't exactly a walk in the park. It was really quiet and there was not much sign of life, and it kinda gave me the impression that the place would be deserted when we finally reach it.

Well, the good that came out of that was that when we did reach the place, it felt almost surreal, like an etheral apparition of an oasis in the desert. The venue was really beautifully done, and it was certainly not a letdown.

There were some light showers before we got there, so most of the alfresco seats were wet. Nonetheless, we chose to sit outside, near the jacuzzi, to experience the ambience better.

The music was great, in fact it was kinda like Zouk's, maybe even better. Pity that there wasn't really a designated dance floor, and the crowd didn't seem like the dancing kind anyway. I had to literally suppress my dance vibes and prevent myself from hopping up and doing the jiggy like an ass.

Service wise was good, and the staff are in general pleasant looking which is always a plus ;P

The pool looked really tempting, and there are even some beds for those who would like to cosy up. Hmm....definitely wanna try that out!

Best of all, i didn't get a snobbish vibe from the place, which i had thought would be the case. I'm glad the feel wasn't atas and all, which would have been a huge turn off. Best of all, you can opt to go in either beach wear, or even in your club wear. Don't worry about sand getting your shoes cause most of the premises have concrete flooring.

Hopefully the Integrated Resorts will bring some life into Sentosa at night, so that this beautiful venue won't have to shut down due to lack of traffic!

All in all, i would certainly want to go back to Cafe Del Mar. Probably go tanning in the day then proceed to chill out there. :)

2007-02-21T00:38:00.000+08:00

Gong Xi Fa Cai Everyone!
It's finally the year of the Pig...my year!

Had a really good rest over the holidays, a whole 5 days in fact. Think I'm gonna have some serious difficulties trying to wake up tomorrow :P

These past 2 weeks had really been crazily busy for me, what with V day, and my new wardrobe arriving just 2 days before the CNY. I think I had a good start to the lunar new year though, so I'm pretty hopeful that the months to come after this will be equally restful and enjoyable.

I know it's a little wierd to have resolutions on CNY, but here are mine anyway.

1. Do something about my chronic tardiness.
Everyone knows that punctuality is not in my dictionary, but I have since scrawled it in with
bold red ink, highlighted it even. Yeah, I'm serious and don't you try to put me down!

2. Stop complaining.
Some events in the past few months have taught me that the proverbial saying of "empty
vessels make the most noise" is really true. Half the time, whiners don't do anything when
they finally have the chance to. So, I'm gonna try my darnest best not to grumble so much
and, well, just do it! At the very least, I can say that I did my best when I finally decide to
throw in the towel.

3. Save!
Just because I don't wanna end up on the streets when I'm 70 and starving.

Right, so there you have it, in black and white! Let's check back on this one year later and see how much I've accomplished! I might just shock you with what I can do when I put my mind to it. :)

2006-09-24T21:31:00.000+08:00

Oh gosh, I can't believe it's almost 3 months since I last blogged! Sorry lovelies, guess life kinda caught up with me again.

The past 3 months has been unbelievable. A new life, new job, new routine, new love.

Life is so different after I left school. It's like I'm still the same me, but my whole universe has kinda shifted to a new paradigm.

No more skipping school just because I feel like it. No more milking my brain cells to do up my last minute assignments. Hmm..I kinda miss that. Funny that I don't miss my social life in school (or rather the lack of), but the intellectual part of it. Oh my god I'm such a geek. Laughs.

My new job is everything I thought it wouldn't be. And yet, in some strange way, I am semi-contented to stay. For the moment. I don't know if this is because I have resigned myself to a mundane office lifestyle, or if I am just trying to learn something out of this before I move on. Perhaps inertia has caught up with me. We shall see.

Went to watch Forbidden City with Karyn yesterday. I would think it's actually quite good inspite of all the negative reviews in the papers. Or maybe it was because I was too distracted by the fucking kids sitting behind me that I didn't realise the faults of the play.

Seriously. I cannot stand children. And I cannot stand parents who bring their obnoxious brats to events like Forbidden City. For one, why would they even think that their children can sit through a 3 hour long play without attempting to blow off their heads just to get some attention? I mean, you are talking about the need for ABSOLUTE SILENCE here. How on earth do they even think their children can do that? And I'm dead certain that those brats have been brats since they were but only cells in their mother's womb, so there's no way in hell they could claim not to know that their kids would misbehave.

Secondly, you are not talking about Disney on Ice here. You are talking about a play which features adult content like sex & murder here. Yes, there is great historical value in a play about Empress Cixi (notwithstanding the debate on its accuracy), but I certainly don't think that it is suitable for a lower primary kid to watch. I mean, there is this scene which shows the emperor visiting a brothel, and he is taught how to caress a woman properly. Later in the scene, it even shows him and other couples in various positions imitating the sex act. Is that appropriate content for children below 16 to see? Yes, I'm sure at this point parents will again point their fingers at the theatre organizers for not putting a NC-16 rating on the show, but come on, what do you expect? This is not sesame street after all.

The best part is that despite all the dirty looks that the rest of the audience kept shooting at the family, the family returned after the intermission with the boys even more restless. They even threw a noisy tantrum, with perfect timing, during one of the climaxes of the show.

I guess my point is that as much as I'm pissed at those two nincompoops, I'm even more pissed at their inconsiderate & plain stupid parents. If your kids are not the kind to sit still & shut up, don't bring them to such events please, cause you just end up making an ass out of yourselves & steal the thunder from the show.

Ok, enough of my bitching! For those of you who've missed me, here are some photos with me & my bestie Zoeline at Alleybar.

Don't be fooled by my shy look, I'm actually lurving it! :P

Who is she hiding from? Beats me hurhur

That's better... but off-centre

Aiyah again!

And again....

Finally, we got it right!

Oh, look at what I found outside Marina Square! Remember those sunflowers they planted for the IMF? 20 Days later.....
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I could just weep for them... I can almost hear them reliving their past glories, thinking "Oh, those international delegates were all in awe of my beauty! They just couldn't get enough & you should see their heads turn when they walked past me! I always put a smile on their faces!"

And now, they are just left withered and worn, age catching up with them, past glory gone.
Resolute not to end up like a dried up sunflower. Was thinking of buying some SKII but damn, with the brouhaha over it now? Think I'd better stick to getting more sleep.

More pix in my gallery! ------------->

2006-06-12T01:39:00.000+08:00

Has been a party week for me this week, went to Zouk on Thursday with Eve and Butter Factory with Joan and gang on Saturday. Some photos...

Me with Eve cosying up for a photo :)

Narcissistic Gals Take 2!

Closer, closer....

Both nights out were extremely fun. Initially I was kinda worried that I would feel awkward clubbing with Eve and her friends but they turned out to be a really nice bunch of people. No airs at all and they just treated me like one of them :) Sho shweet.

Butter was good too, wasn't packed to the brim and so far no grinders, haha. Jeff opened a bottle, was really lucky to be able to get home sober. Don't think I can stand another round of throwing up hahah.

Had Carl's Junior with my sis and Dawn before I went clubbing, and it was oh so good...

I had the Santa Fe Chicken Burger.. Yummy! Juicy, tender and delicious. They had a wide range of free flow drinks as well, and the service was really excellent! If they maintain their current standard I think they will become very popular indeed. Of course, the pricing is much higher than the other fastfoods in town, but I think all will agree that it is indeed value for money. The best part was when the staff served us the food at our table, she asked if we wanted chilli or ketchup, and actually fished into her apron pockets and rained packets of the sauces on our table! Hahah she gave us like 7 packets each! Definitely not like Mac or KFC, who are so stingy with their sauces!

Of course, I was so bloated after that dinner that I could hardly walk, no less dance, at Butter. Super off-form lol.

Have been feeling kinda down lately because of a certain someone that I kinda have a crush on blowing hot and cold on me. We were introduced by a friend and although I know that I shouldn't have much expectations but I guess I couldn't help but expected things to develop a little. After many delayed replies, I guess I got pretty tired of being left hanging in the air but each time I would try to explain it away that she's just busy. It wasn't until someone else came into the picture that I saw the light. Playing hard to get once or twice might intrigue me initially, but play that game too often and I'd probably think you are simply not interested. Afterall, why should I try so hard to explain all the response lag and blowing hot and cold when someone else is so upfront about interest in me and is showering me with so much attention? I guess I can only surmise that you have shown a clear sign that you are simply not interested and move on. Afterall, it's not as if we are in a relationship or anything. Like my friend said, now is the time for me to explore different opportunities, instead of planting all my eggs in one basket.

Alriteys, tomorrow is my second week at work so gonna retire now, Ciaoz peeps!

2006-06-04T19:35:00.000+08:00

Finally managed to catch my beauty sleep today *Beams* While it might not have made me any more beautiful, I certainly feel more empowered to deal with the challenges that I would be facing tomorrow on my first day of work.

I suspect things are gonna be totally different than all my temporary and part-time stints in the past. Afterall, the change in circumstances mean that work now is the numero uno priority. No more studies to compete for my attention, and I can't use my favourite excuse that I'm just a part-timer to get away with my perpetual lack of a sense of punctuality. Sigh, hopefully my new company isn't too anal about punctuality.

Having many reservations about this job. Sure, the pay is better than what I expected, and probably the best that I can fetch with my not so impressive grades. After talking to my friends though, I realised that I had not really thought too hard on what I really want for my first job. Perhaps I just don't know what I want to do for a career. I mean, my university education has not exactly prepared me for life in the corporate world. It's like ending a very long and arduous journey only to find that I've stepped off the path into absolute nothingness.

Exaggerating? Maybe a little, but I do really feel as if the ground has been ripped out from under my feet. I hate not knowing. And I hate having too many choices. I'm the type that will fight my way out of a situation, but suck at making decisions. I guess I hate second-guessing what I could have chosen, how things could have gone a different way. Can't help but feel that I didn't make too smart of a decision in choosing my first job. Then again, I'm too bound by my overly anal sense of responsibility to chicken out at the last minute, especially since I've already signed the letter, so here I am, facing the prospect of starting my first day of work tomorrow while beating myself up for accepting the offer in the first place.

On another note, I'm sick to death of mind games, and I can take a hint. I'm so not going to waste my time and energy on another person who is simply not interested. Fine. Next!

Sometimes there's nothing like a good tirade to release all our stress and anger...

2006-06-02T02:14:00.000+08:00

Photos!!!

This was taken few days back @ Asian Kitchen, food was really good! See the contented smile?

Met Zoeline first before meeting Sijia & Joan, took the chance to take pictures of my new haircut with Zoeline :D This is her favourite photo of the day

While waiting, we took some more...

Once we start, there's no stopping us...

Zoeline proves that my hands are much shorter than hers, see how the photo she took is further than mine?

Finally met them and went to Mr Bean's... me with Sijia. Oh my gosh i look so flat!

Jia with Zoeline. The guy behind looks happy haha

Zoeline and Joan. How shu nu they look. It's a lie, it's a lie! Lol

Deers caught in the headlight! Nah, actually it's the flash from joan's camera

Zoeline and me, eh gurl watch where your hand is going! :9

Joan & me....such a shweet photo

Jia with Zoeline take 2

Group pic!!! Sigh such a happy day :D Lurve ya gals XOXO

2006-05-15T18:40:00.000+08:00

Just cleaned out my closet. Threw away a whole bunch of clothes. Some were bought on impulse and have never been worn, some old favourites that just don't suit me anymore. Was cutting out the labels of some tee-shirts and made a hole in one my favourite. I find cleaning out my closet (and generally cleaning out stuff) to be therapeutic. Funny how my life resembles my closet so much. People that i have loved on impulse and come to regret, people that once seemed so right for me but are just wrong now, and of course the occasional new addition that becomes the hot favourite. As for throwing out clothes, i'm a sentimental person as long as the person still means something to me at the moment. I might find it hard to part with a ridiculously ugly or blah tee shirt that reminds me of someone this time around, but the following year i might have no qualms about chucking it out, once the person has been similarly chucked out of my heart, my mind, my life.

As for new favourites, well, i've never been known to have many pairs of jeans or much new clothes and usually own only one decent pair of shoes at any one time. My old Levi's was worn to death and i only decided to trash it when a hole began forming at a strategic position. Damn, i loved that old pair of jeans. The trusty companion that goes everywhere with me, clubbing, working, shopping... But alas, good things don't last and eventually it's just time to part, to find a new pair of jeans and see if things work out. My next pair was an esprit one. Initially i thought it was the perfect one. Snug, affordable, not the typical levi's that adornes the behinds of many ladies and men here, and in a nice shade of blue. After a few washes though (the acid test for jeans i would say), it became way too loose and baggy, as if adopting a bochup attitude and telling me, "Well, now you do all the work." Sorry baby, i go for consistency. If you're gonna be snug, be snug all the way if not you will find yourself cold-stored and eventually being dumped at the Salvation Army. Let's just hope you find yourself a nice home with someone who has a bigger butt than mine.

The hunt for a new pair of jeans was treacherous. Too tight, too high, too low, too expensive, unflattering... Being picky? Perhaps. But for something that is gonna be with me almost 24/7, so i can't jolly well settle for the most available thing right? Even trusty Levi's failed me a few times, much to the exasperation of the salesgirls who had to keep all those pairs of jeans that i tried but didn't buy.

It's funny how like love, you find the perfect pair when you don't expect to. I had all but given up until one day, when i was browsing the racks at Levi's without much expectations, BAM, i saw it. It literally screamed at me that it was THE ONE... we've had a happy partnership since then :)

So i've cleaned out my closet, even went as far as to clean out my accessories drawer since i had the momentum going. Guess that work clothes will come to dominate my closet soon, new additions introduced that are less fun, flirty or pretty but more functional and presentable. Afterall, i have decided to concentrate on starting establishing a career instead of fantasizing about those unattainable people or ruminating about lost love and old heartaches. Having said that, i still hope that a new hot facourite will come along soon to spice up my life :)

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often.

You tend to take more than give in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Your Brain is 53% Female, 47% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

2006-05-09T01:59:00.000+08:00

Time to find a job!

Meanwhile, some clubbing pics taken from Joanne's multiply.

Diva and Me @ Butter Factory. The hands were there to keep our eyes open coz we kept closing them. Hurhur :D

Candid shot of me, obviously in the process of being suaned by my friends for i dunno what, lol. Background wall is awesome though. Funky green!

2006-04-21T23:11:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow...the start of my nightmare.

My future depends on the next two weeks. Ladies & gents, pray for me please.

*Cross fingers, cross arms, cross toes, cross legs, cross eyes, cross hair*